Sunday, November 15, 2009

SubGenius News - Pre-Xistlessnessmess 2009


Friends, we have many exciting announcements of upcoming events, products to spam for Xmas, personal news, and links to freebies that will keep you entertained for hours, especially if you are a sick, twisted, cynical or otherwise SubGeniusly individual. Events first, because some are coming up soon.

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Nov. 21st-26th, Amsterdam, Holland:

Frop Cup 2009 - Frop Cup vs. Cannabis Cup

Opening ceremonies will be at Cafe Mono Bilderdijkstraat 15, 1052 NA Amsterdam, Netherlands at 22.00 (10pm) on No.. 21st and the week's festivities include: Rantings, Frop outtings, drunken staggering contests, SubGenius Olympic Doping Committee Meetings, Spankings (tm), Vile Dancing, SexHurt, The Korsakoff.

If you'd like to attend please drop Pope Black an email: pope_black666@yahoo.de

November 28, Detroit, Michigan:

ANNUAL DETROIT SUBGENIUS DEVIVAL

with THE AMINO ACIDS and many others

9:00 PM at SMALL'S BAR, Hamtramck, MI -- ALL AGES - $6!

http://theaminoacids.com/

Nov. 28, Dec. 5, 12, & 19, Chicago, IL:

Weekly SUBGENIUS DEVIVAL of the FITTEST

with Pope Michael Flores

8 p.m. each night weekly at THE LIAR'S CLUB, 1665 W Fullerton, Chicago IL

http://subgeniusslack.blogdrive.com/archive/78.html

Feb. 12 - 14 Atwood Lake Lodge, Dellroy OH:

Winterstar Symposium

With Rev. Ivan Stang, Witch Disco, Harvey Pekar (?)

http://www.rosencomet.com/festhapp.html

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Sacred SubSpam: XISTLESSNESSMESS SALE!

A SALE at subgenius.com is a rare event. But, just for this holiday season, we refrained from raising our prices. Yes, after Xmas you'll never be able to get anything in our catalog so cheaply again. So hurry!

Not Yet ORDAINED?

SIGN UP NOW AND BE AN ORDAINED MINISTER! It only takes a minute and you'll get a huge 26-part package of stuff. These make GREAT Xmas gifts, especially for people who have never heard of The Church of the SubGenius! Perform marriages, funerals, circumcisions.

http://www.subgenius.com/scatalog/membership.htm

Some of our most popular items (like Book of the SubGenius) are already temporarily sold out, but our celebrated books Revelation X and The Psychlopaedia of Slack are still in stock (and all signed by Rev. Stang), as are all our DVDs, CDs, MP3-packed CDRs, even the SubGenius-Illuminati-NWO game box set and "Bob" condom packs.

Our main BULLDADA CATALOG includes those most sacred and in-demand goods:

http://www.subgenius.com/scatalog/mediashack.html

And there is another catalog with zillions of colorful SubGenius designs on T-shirts, mugs, clocks, thongs, hoodies, house wares, gifts, toys, posters, bumper stickers, stash-boxes, you name it, at THE SUBGENIUS STORE:

http://www.cafepress.com/subgen

For the SubGenius who has everything, The Official 2010 SubGenius Calendar is out! It's not especially cheap, but the paper it's printed on is slicker than snot on a doorknob:

http://www.cafepress.com/subgen.8404221

DobbsHead and the Wings of Slack designs are now both available on deluxe black hoodies from our pals at Anticonformity.

http://anticonformity.stores.yahoo.net/sujbdoheblho.html

http://anticonformity.stores.yahoo.net/nesuwofslblh.html

The great bulldada company Archie McPhee is now offering:

The J. R. "Bob" Dobbs Messenger Bag

This large, sturdy sacred stash bag features “Bob's" portrait on thick faux canvas and has adjustable nylon Big Black Straps! -- the kind men like.

http://www.mcphee.com/shop/products/J.R.-Bob-Dobbs-Messenger-Bag.html

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ONLINE FREEBIES FOR YOUR GAWKING AND GANDERING WONDERMENT

Portland Devival Videos and Report

Puzzling Evidence TV covered the spectacular SubGenius show in Portland last month, and it's all on YouTube. Links, stills, and a full write-up are at:

http://www.subgenius.com/bigfist/fun/devivals/Portland_09/index.html

While we're at it, Rev. Stang's YouTube page is http://www.youtube.com/user/revstang

and a great SubGenius stash is at

http://www.youtube.com/user/mcgrewrich

We have a new favorite online magazine that has lately surpassed the old STARK FIST and even QUIJIBO in pure fun:

Kern's Holler Journal

This is Rev. Tater's ongoing compendium of the best rants, reports, poems and short stories by the top SubGenius writers and experts in The Forbidden Sciences. Includes some of the best of alt.slack by rip-snorters like Rev. Back It On Up, Rev. Stang, and good old Tater Gumfries hisself.

http://www.kernsholler.net/KernsHollerJournalOfScience/KernsHollerJournalOfScience.html

The Bob Belt

This is another of Tater's projects, and works with Google Earth. Go to this site and add to the list your fancy Church name and vague or fictional location (exact address not necessary!). Displays a graphic of Planet Earth with "pushpins" showing areas of concentration of SubGenius life: the "Bob" Belt. (Hint: Give this one extra time to load.)

http://maps.google.com/maps/ms?t=h&hl=en&ie=UTF8&vps=1&jsv=154c&oe=UTF8&msa=0&msid=110245893064340339403.000467c93e2919719f489

For a homey look at Rev. Stang's and Princess Wei's Halloween see:

Halloween at the Slackermansion

http://www.subgenius.com/bigfist/pics13/Halloween_2009/index.html

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HOURS AND HOURS OF FREE SLACK

Hour of Slack Archives

NEW! - an ever-growing archive of hundreds of uncut Hour of Slack radio shows from the 1990s, copied from the original tapes to MP3, thanks to St. David Bachner:

http://db8.ca/radioarchive/hos/

"All SubGenius, all the time!"

NEW - "Bob's" Golden Stream Resurrected

Random SubGenius shows streamed 24-7 -- includes Hours of Slack (going back 20 years), Puzzling Evidence, "Bob's" Slack Time Funhouse, National Cynical, much more! From Rev. NeuroManson.

http://www.shoutcast.com/Internet-Radio/resurrected

Latest Hours of Slack and archive of shows from Con Year 2000 on:

http://www.subgenius.com/ts/hos.html

Home Subscription Hour of Slack CD mailings:

http://www.subgenius.com/scatalog/audio-hos.htm

LIVE SUBGENIUS CHAT

http://frop.taphouse.org:13013/chat.html

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Good News About Rev. Magdalen's Child Custody Case!

FINALLY!

"As of October 4, 2009, the case has been dismissed and custody of Reverend Magdalen's son has been awarded to her. This appears to mean that after over three years of legal wrangling and over $100,000 in costs to her, Magdalen, her husband, and her ex-boyfriend are back to the status quo. That, plus she is still the only SubGenius officially banned from keeping SubGenius materials in her home, where her innocent son might accidentally come across them and become corrupted into the corrupt, obscene, decadent SubGenius cult that got his Mom into trouble in the first place."

From http://www.modemac.com/cgi-bin/wiki.pl/Reverend_Magdalen

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Elect Dr. Hal for Congress 2010!

This will also lead you to the large Facebook realm of SubGeniuses.

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=167120484239&ref=mf

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ALT.SLACK - AN ESPECIALLY WIGGLY WORLD

As always, for the most up-to-date daily SubGenius news and commentary on current events, as well as pages of insane ravings by actual kooks and hilarious mockings of them by expert kook-bashers, see the #1 SubGenius forum, alt.slack. Experienced geeks will want to use an actual newsreader program for this Usenet newsgroup, but the rest of us can use our plain browsers via:

http://groups.google.com/group/alt.slack/topics

At any given time on alt.slack, half the threads will concern flaming and kook-bashing that may only baffle newbies. Beginners are advised to look for thread subject titles that originate from known SubSources. It's like one big bizarre, messed-up, hilarious family, and the focus of SubGenius as a social phenomenon. However there are even more forums listed on our SubSITE News Page too:

http://www.subgenius.com/updates/updates.html

One last thing: times are tough, and the Church of the SubGenius could really use a donation!

To donate via Paypal:

http://www.subgenius.com/contact.htm

and The SubGenius Foundation is always happy to take a check at our Cleveland Heights sacred post office box!

PRAISE "BOB"; INHALE CONNIE!


SubGenius

PO Box 181417

Cleveland Heights OHIO 44118

Monday, September 28, 2009

SubGenius Foundation Report - Sept. 2009

The Stark Fist of Removal Online

Dear Friend,

Praise "Bob," and let us utter a resounding "WHEW." We at The SubGenius Foundation had a very busy summer, with numerous SubGenius devivals and outdoor festivals, and we're looking forward to spending more time in the office, finishing up numerous projects-in-progress. BUT! -- there is one last devival this year.

PORTLAND, OREGON Devival, October 10

This promises to be a classic old-time Devival, with guest preachers Dr. Hal, Rev. Ivan Stang, Dr. Philo Drummond, Princess Wei R. Doe and The Duke of Uke joining hosts Dr. Onan Canobite and Rev. Crawford Smith. (In other words, the main authors of the SubGenius books will almost all be in one place.) There are also three bands and Dobbs only knows what else. Address and lots more detail can be found at http://pdxdevival.com/

Past Devivals: Photo Galleries and Audio

We had big fun and recorded much audio and video at the recent DragonCon in Atlanta, DEVOtional in Cleveland and Starwood Festival in New York. Sermons, songs, and much much worse can be heard on current HOURS OF SLACK in MP3 (and possibly on your local station -- check the list at the link). Photos, and in some cases videos, from the various devivals and stage shows can be seen via links on our EVENTS page. CAREFUL: some of these photos are naughty and what might be considered 'NOT SAFE FOR WORK.' DVDs of some of our past shows can also be found in our video catalog.

Events page: http://www.subgenius.com/newdevivals.html

DragonCon: http://www.subgenius.com/bigfist/fun/devivals/DragonCon09/index.html

Hour of Slack downloads: http://www.subgenius.com/ts/hos.html

DEVOtional: http://subgenius.com/bigfist/fun/devivals/DEVOtional2009/index.html

Video catalog: http://www.subgenius.com/scatalog/video.htm

12X-Day and Starwood photo essays:

http://www.subgenius.com/bigfist/fun/devivals/12XDay/12X-Day_Text/index.html

http://www.subgenius.com/bigfist/fun/devivals/STARWOOD29/index.html


Great New SubGenius Spin-Off Website: Kern's Holler Journal

This is an ongoing compendium from Rev. Tater Gumfries of the best articles and short stories by the top SubGenius writers and experts in The Forbidden Sciences. Very "down-home!" Don't miss it, and check in frequently for new stories: KERN'S HOLLER JOURNAL:

http://www.kernsholler.net/KernsHollerJournalOfScience/KernsHollerJournalOfScience.html


New Projects at SubGenius Foundation

We're getting tired of the Internet. It's been almost 20 years for some of us. The thrill is gone. We are back to working on books and movies. We intend to keep doing the weekly Hour of Slack for broadcast (and Internet) but are looking for a SubGenius with pay-website experience to help with subgenius.com. In the meantime, check out our main Internet forum:

Alt.slack

http://groups.google.com/group/alt.slack/topics

(It can also be reached with any Usenet browser if you have Usenet access.)

Alt.slack is the busiest online SubGenius meeting place by far. It is also the most kook-ridden, which makes for the finest in kook bashing by some of the top experts in that field. This is where to find links to several new SubGeniusly items of interest per day.

Best New SubGenius Products - Books, DVDs, Clothing

Our main BULLDADA CATALOG includes the latest of our 5 books. Did we mention that all books sold through our website are signed by Rev. Ivan Stang?

http://www.subgenius.com/scatalog/mediashack.html

And there is another catalog with zillions of colorful SubGenius designs on T-shirts, house wares, gifts, stash-boxes, you name it, at THE SUBGENIUS STORE:

http://www.cafepress.com/subgen

Not Yet ORDAINED?

It only takes a minute! SIGN UP NOW AND BE AN ORDAINED MINISTER! Perform marriages, funerals, circumcisions!

http://www.subgenius.com/scatalog/membership.htm

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

12X-Day Photos & Etc. on SubSITE

http://www.subgenius.com/bigfist/fun/devivals/12XDay/12X-Day_Photos/index.html

Galleries of photos by Stang & Doe, Dok Frop & Sister Decadence, Pater
Nostril, Agent Lloyd, Pisces, Misc (the Misc part is especially funny)
plus links to the Facebook ones that I've heard of so far, for people
on Facebook.

TEXT Reports (all gathered from alt.slack, but edited) are at:
http://www.subgenius.com/bigfist/fun/devivals/12XDay/12X-Day_Text/index.html

which is a SubSet of
http://www.subgenius.com/bigfist/fun/devivals/12XDay/12X-Day.html

Now, "Bob" has instructed me in a vision to assemble yet a THIRD 12X-
Day Hour of Slack and get it out of here by Saturday. The second one,
a "Bobtism" special, which we finished and mailed to stations
yesterday, will be linked into SubSITE on Thursday.

Any more photos, videos or recordings that are sent here won't be
gotten online until after we return from Starwood (which, being a week
of events within events, generates its own huge mass o' media). We/I
are trying to get a whale's butt's worth of work done before we leave.
This is an annual period of intensity that she and I keep voluntarily
putting ourselves through for some reason.

Oh wait, now I remember why. It's because the festival she runs comes
2 weeks after the festival I run. And her festival involves 1500
people. And she and I have to have the names, addresses and credit
card numbers of all those people right at our fingertips, starting
Sunday. But, by Saturday week I, the infamous disbeliever, will once
again be one of the 8 people who pretend to set afire instantly with
mere torches the artfully stacked, house-sized pile of wood. (The
ignition is actually triggered by remote control, by rocket
scientists.) Pissing off every fundie pagan in the campground on
account of me, a SubGenius, being involved in the Sacred Bonfire
Lighting is all the reward I need.

Also, I learned Ron Slabe will be projecting my Igazum-ation on a
giant screen during the pyrotechnics in the spectacular Friday night
island fire show. Knowing all those acid-gobblers are going WHOA DUDE
at my glorpy insta-psychedelia (when they're not looking at the
topless fire-twirling girls) always does my hideous hairy pride gland
good too.

But best of all, we won't be near a keyboard or computer for over a
week!

Unfortunately we will be closely surrounded by humans on all sides,
even when hiding out in The Medium Sized House or the various
SubGenius or SubGenius/Discordian camps. During Starwood, you have to
go pretty far out into the woods to escape the humans. Ask any bear.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

SubGenius Online Course; New Videos; Magdalen & Other News

THE SUBGENIUS ONLINE COURSE
Monstro 8-week SubGenius Online Event!

April 6 - May 31:
Running Your Own Cult: Do's and Don'ts
and The Church of the SubGenius -- The First 30 Years
An ONLINE course from Maybe Logic Academy

You don't have to leave your home! Once signed up, you use your browser to access vast amounts of SubKnowledge in the form of text, videos, MP3s, online chats with Teacher Stang, and thousands of pages scanned from our old publications, comics, out-of-print books, etc.

Each year the how-tos and History of the Church materials get more layered and detailed. Last year's course ended up having twice as much material as the first year. This year we're adding even more. Describes and shows all of the most insane and/or fabulous things that happened in SubGeniusdom over the decades. Includes STARK FIST magazines of the previous century, letters from famous artists and monsters, sexy photos, and enough rare audio and videos from past events and radio shows to fill 3 DVDs. Yes, 3 DVDs of SUBSTUFF. It's like getting EVERYTHING the Church ever did (except for the 3 main published books) for one one-thousandth of the cost.

You'll also meet some VERY interesting people -- at a comfortable distance.

"So if you're debating with yourself over whether or not to join, punch your other self (the one who is arguing against it) in the face and get ready to shell out the money. This is a chance that only comes around once in a great year." -- former student Rev. Anna Dynamite

Course description:
http://www.maybelogic.org/stangcrs.htm
Enroll:
http://www.deepleafproductions.com/deepleafcart/
Maybe Logic Academy:
http://www.maybelogic.net/

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Free SubGenius Movies -- The Very Newest and the Very Oldest

Newest: SubGenius IGAZUM Cerebral Reformatter playlist:
http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=55B2042B110DCE54

If you are easily hypnotized, on strong antidepressants, or a chronic "chronic" user, set aside 40 minutes of time before you start into this, as it WILL mess you up one way or another.

A combination of interior-eyeball-scanned, mental projection-powered "animation" -- and past-landscape footage obtained through a randomly traveling time "camera" -- allowed us to create a composite music-video/brainwash code imbedder that will act as a replacement for recreational drugs. We used these techniques in six short videos about J. R. "Bob" Dobbs and the Church of the SubGenius. Animation and music are by Rev. Ivan Stang with sound collage editing and vocal craziness by LeMur, Norel Pref, Puzzling Evidence, Dr. Hal, Rev. Timothy Leary, Rev. Mark Mothersbaugh, and even J. R. "Bob" Dobbs.

If you have a really fast connection, we strongly recommend pushing the HD button at the lower right of the frame before starting each video. It makes a big difference.

My older videos (and my favorites, which are heavy on humor and animation) can be found at my YouTube site:
http://www.youtube.com/user/revstang

Our longer pieces are on Google Video. Newly added is my 1973 underground film:

"Let's Visit The World of the Future"
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7200374813151075996&hl=en

If you liked SubGenius Pamphlet #1 or THE BOOK OF THE SUBGENIUS, you may find some surprising similarities in this old/future film, even though its discovery predates any SubGenius publications by 7 years. It is ". . . a travelogue inviting viewers of today to come visit the future."

This is the 45-minute "director's cut," restoring most of the bulldada that had been removed for the hippie "midnight movie" audiences of the 1970s, who could NOT handle it.

Another good YouTube playlist of SubGenius materials, the good AND the bad, is at Rev. McGrewrich's site:
http://www.youtube.com/user/mcgrewrich

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Free "Infinitely Recursive Dobbshead" Windows Screensaver by Rev. Frank Force

We announced this in the last newsletter, but it has been greatly improved since then -- there's a new "psychedelic mode," and you can control the zoom rate of the infinite Dobbsheadery! And there's a new link to it, with samples:
http://slack.3d2k.com

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Yet Another SubGenius Newsgroup!

GOOD READS SUBGENIUS
http://www.goodreads.com/group/show/1676.Subgenii

This literary-minded forum is in addition to alt.slack and the many other forums listed on SubSITE's NEWS page: http://www.subgenius.com/updates/updates.html

The most active and crazy one of all remains alt.slack:
http://groups.google.com/group/alt.slack/topics

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UPCOMING EVENTS

July 1-5: X-Day XII at Brushwood, NY, USA and Amsterdam, Holland

This is the biggest annual SubGenius event! Not for the faint-hearted, although wimps are welcome.

http://www.subgenius.com/bigfist/fun/devivals/12XDay/12X-Day.html


(WARNING: many 'adults-only' photos here!)

July 21 - 26: Starwood 29 at Brushwood, Sherman, NY

Although this is the largest "neo-pagan" event in the U.S., with amazing musical acts and speakers like St. Paul Krassner, it also includes a major Devival and other highly bulldada activities! I haven't missed one in 18 years. In fact I'm one of the organizers now.
http://rosencomet.com/starwood/index.html

September 4 - 7: DragonCon in Atlanta, Georgia

A HUGE SubGenius event unlike any other is planned for this, one of the grandest sci-fi/fantasy/comics conventions. Rev. Susie the Floozy, Priestess Pisces, The Quijibo Cartel, Yours Truly Rev. Stang and many other SubGenii will be staging a major Devival (with a Tesla Coil concert!), and will probably also have a sales table and be on some panels. Over 50,000 people attend this convention annually.
http://dragoncon.org/

Late September or early October: Kent, Ohio -- check our Events page: http://www.subgenius.com/newdevivals.html for details as they develop. This promises to harken back to the infamous Cleveland devivals of the 1990s.

October 9 - 11, Portland, Oregon: EsoZone 2009
http://www.esozone.com/

This is the second year of this fringe-science / psychedelics / 'magic' conference. The 2008 one featured Dennis McKenna, Antero Alli, Trevor Blake, Richard Metzger, Taylor Ellwood and Paul Laffoley. It sounds like an indoor Starwood. Princess Wei and I have been invited to be speakers / presenters / devivalists at the 2009 EsoZone, which apparently has a similar line-up of guests to the first one, along with several bands. Dr. Onan Canobite and Rev. Crawford Smith are deeply involved.

Their MySpace page: http://www.myspace.com/esozone

Boingboing on the '08 EsoZone:
http://boingboing.net/2008/10/07/esozone-this-weekend.html

A YouTube page:
http://www.youtube.com/user/esozone

November: Amsterdam Frop Cup?

New report on the 2008 Baltimore Devival:
http://clintjcl.wordpress.com/2009/01/31/journal-20081115-subgenius-baltimore-devival-2-2008-subgenius-balitmore-devival/
or
http://tinyurl.com/balt08

Text, photos, and movies from Rev. Clint. Very detailed. Some excellent cleavage photography too. Other coverage of this and ALL previous SubG shows can be found in our Devivals of Yore section:
http://www.subgenius.com/bigfist/fun/devivals/devivals.html

------------------
THE BUTTHOLE SURFERS and "BOB"

Here is some interesting news from Rev. Joseph Daddy of Jesus, our Main Man in Amsterdam:

"I got The Butthole Surfers (the original 4) their Membership kits when they were doing their European Tour... they also took all of the SubGenius DVDs that I had, and ended up using Dobbsedeliasteses 1 & 2 for the backdrop on the rest of their tour. Paul Green from the School of Rock was also on tour with them, and he was a long time "Bob" fan, so he got his kit as well."

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REV. MAGDALEN'S CHILD CUSTODY CASE

It's not all bad news, but it's still dragging on, and she still needs financial help. The details are here:
http://www.modemac.com/cgi-bin/wiki.pl/Reverend_Magdalen_Part_3

Direct donations can be sent via Paypal to: magdalen@subgenius.com

Direct donation to Magdalen's legal fund: http://tinyurl.com/jbpe8

Click here to lend your support to: Reverend Magdalen Legal Fund and make a donation at www.pledgie.com !

-----------------

New Station Carrying HOUR OF SLACK in Florida

Saint Leo University, Saint Leo, FL
http://wslu.saintleo.edu/
Saint Leo University Radio, 100.1 FM & Campus TV Channel 96
Saturday Evening at 11 PM ET

Also, there is a change at

Dade City Community Radio in DADE CITY, FLORIDA (near Tampa) -- they moved from an FM frequency to 1610 AM, with Hour of Slack on Sundays 6 pm.

Podcast, free show downloads and complete list of all stations carrying SubGenius shows:
http://www.subgenius.com/ts/hos.html

---------------

ORDAIN YOURSELF OR A FRIEND
http://www.subgenius.com/scatalog/membership.htm
NOTE: Posthumous ordainments are also available.

Even those who have become ordained ministers in the Church need the three major bibles of our religion. Of course, everyone already has THE BOOK OF THE SUBGENIUS, but many SubGenii consider REVELATION X to be better, and the Third Testament, Psychlopaedia of Slack THE BOBLIOGRAPHON, to be better yet.

ALL BOOKS WE SELL ARE SIGNED AND DATED BY YOURS TRULY, REV. STANG.

SUBGENIUS BOOKS
http://www.subgenius.com/scatalog/books.htm

Illiterates might be happier with our primary DVD, "ARISE!" There are several more recent SubGenius DVDs available as well. The great thing about our videos is that they are not copy-protected. When you buy one for yourself, it's like you are buying one for all your buddies as well.

SUBGENIUS VIDEOS
http://www.subgenius.com/scatalog/video.htm

But the greatest gift of all, short of Salvation, is a subscription to THE HOUR OF SLACK so that every week for 6 months, you or your begifted one will receive the uncensored version of the same professional audio CDs that the radio stations get.

HOUR OF SLACK GIFT SUBSCRIPTION
http://www.subgenius.com/scatalog/audio-hos.htm

Another good deal would be any of our MP3 stashes on CD-R. With one $15 purchase you can have up to 80 Hours of Slack, or mixed media barrages, music and devival recordings.

SUBGENIUS MP3 COLLECTIONS
http://www.subgenius.com/scatalog/mediashack.html

And of course there are hundreds of designs on shirts, hoodies, baby clothes, mugs, buttons, posters, mousepads, geegaws, etc., at our sprawling SubGenius Store on CafePress.

THE SUBGENIUS STORE
http://www.cafepress.com/subgen

Remember, friends: ANY and ALL SubGenius materials could suddenly VANISH at any moment. Indeed, many pray daily for that very thing to happen. DON'T BE A CHUMP! Get, while the getting's good. You already have all the Slack you'll ever have -- but only the Church can make it PLAIN to you! And we really enjoy doing that.

PRAISE "BOB"!