Monday, June 27, 2005


Ah, the last few fleeting days before X-Day… every year… such a frenzy. Possibly it's a little like this for Santa's Elves, or the Post Office, around Xmas.

For those heading to Brushwood for 8X-Day, any important updates will be on the X-Day yahoo list and/or my SubGenius newsblog. Amazing how many things one finds one has to do even though the world is about to end.

Apparently some people have been under the impression that there is no cab service to Brushwood. THERE IS! It's only a few minutes from Sherman, NY, and cab companies in nearby Jamestown NY or Erie PA service the area.

As usual, we offer our annual last-minutes-on-Earth GIVE-AWAY on SubSITE and other Internet SubGenius outreaches.


Thanks to a sudden equipment donation by The Gription Clench (those starkly ever-nontightening fisters), we have remastered two old videos (about X-Day 1998 at Brushwood, a really weird extravaganza) and the new 7X-Day-of-Slack video onto one DVD, which we will first start selling at 8X-Day. But in the meantime, you can get a FREE INTERNET BOOTLEG COPY from alt.binaries.multimedia.slack.

A HUGE ARRAY OF NEW SUBGENIUS DESIGNS has been added to our CafePress SubSTORE. The largest variety of new objects d'Slack in the catalog is in the 8X-Day section:
And in T-shirts:
… but there are also plenty of new things among the bumper stickers, housewares, art tiles, etc. There are even now Dobbshead THROW PILLOWS:

CONGRATULATIONS TO US! On June 19, we produced the 1000th Hour of Slack. One thousand shows since we started in October, 1985! #1000 was a Special Salute featuring tapes and letters sent in by listeners and contributors for the occasion -- and two-way Thanx Fest. This new show, our final Earth show #1001 (Sex Secrets of The Conspiracy), and a seventh XXX-Rated "Internet Only" show are all now freely downloadable from our Hour of Slack page:

THE STARK FIST ONLINE has had yet another archived month from alt.slack added, March, by guest ediotors Revs. Fenian and Paco:

What else? Did I already mention the new Hour of Slack CD (#984, a "best-of), the new DVD, TEN MINUTES TO SHOWTIME, The OGGs of LeMur, the Winterstar and Detroit devivals, or Hour of Slack MP3s Volume 20? Yes? Well, I'll say it again: they're all at

At this writing, it's 5:30 pm on Monday, June 27. In about two hours, the MegaFisTemple Lodge here will start filling up with INSANE PEOPLE. I am going to make a stalwart attempt to fill the last minute orders that come in for Salvation up to the last minute, but if we don't get your order pretty soon, we'll have to hand you your stuff personally when me meet on the Escape Vessels of the Xists… any day now.

This may be my last chance to communicate to you as Sacred Scribe before the crazy people start arriving here, or certainly before we are all Ruptured up in glory to meet "Bob" on the spaceships at 7 am this July 5. I'm sure we all feel a bit like the dolphins at the very beginning of Hitchhiker's Guide. We'd like to thank the Unsaved who helped spread Slack, and we're sorry they're all about to die so very horribly. But they wouldn't understand…

I am sure that everyone reading this is already a $30 dues-paying Minister in the Church, with absolutely nothing to worry about as the ultimate and total end of all so-called human reality approaches. To you I say, LET THERE BE SLACK! Go easy on the humans as you Vacate this mortal Evacuation Chamber; they weren't ALL the bad kind. If you must mete out vengeance, be specific. Don't go at it all willy-nilly, or the innocent will suffer EXTRA. Poor things. Oh well. They all could have sent in their $30. On second thought, I take it back. Too much is always better than not enough. LET 'EM HAVE IT.

Your Good Friend and Prayer Partner,

Rev. Ivan Stang

Friday, June 10, 2005


Empowering designs by Espira, LeMur, Heart Ignition, IMBJR and StangDoe depict what awaits the nonbeliever and the molester. Not very ladylike, but close enough for the girls we go out with. Will be worth millions if world doesn't end. Be careful which family gatherings you wear this one to. Backside image is sure to spark fights while in line at the store.

8X-DAY clothing, keepsakes, hats, badges, buttons, bumper stickers, pendants, nose pickers

T-SHIRTS: 16 offensive new designs by LeMur, Heart Ignition, IMBJR, Espira, "OTHERS"

New: THROW PILLOWS! (Seriously.) And mouse pads, journals, and misc. doodads

POSTERS and FRAMED PRINTS: by popular request, "e-paintings" by Heart Ignition are now available. Did you know that the classic "45 Dobbsheads" has been followed by "45 more" and "45 Dobbsheads 3"? Plus another couple dozen? Those and more are STREWN catalog-wide.

CERAMIC ART TILES: Eternal Testaments. This has some of the most penetrating visual work of the Church, CONDENSED.

GREETING CARDS: Sometimes sensitive issues such as a death, or the loss of a job or partner, are most conveniently settled by just sending a pre-processed modular card, avoiding all that difficult personal interaction. THESE ARE THE CARDS YOU WERE LOOKING FOR.

COFFEE MUGS: These are for DRINKERS. Drinkers of all kinds -- of soporifics, stimulants, psychedelics, whatever -- as long as it's HARD STUFF.

FROPTAINERS and STASHBOXES: The less said the better, nudge wink nudge EEAAAAUAULLLPP!

: Now disguised as public service messages like you see on the tram.

POSTCARDS: Easily pretend you're sending from a foreign mindset.

BUMPER STICKERS: One really good new one to go with the two dozen really good old ones.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

New on SubSITE: 8X-Day details, Comic Book, Stark Fist

For those going to 8X-Day at Brushwood, Valencia, or Cambodia, and for voyeurs, we have a section of RECENT ANNOUNCEMENTS and SPECULATIONS FROM THE FLOCK inside the more general 8X-Day quarter. Much was added just today, including illustrations on every page.

Governor of SportsLand Rocknar, and First Sponsor of Dr. Howl's appearance at 8X-Day, has mangled a beloved old favorite comic book into an all-new saga of a descent into Hell by the famous SubGenius, Pastor Craig. (Pastor Craig is actually a SubGenius Saint of long standing.) See THIS WAS YOUR LIFE, PASTOR CRAIG.

And, thanks to new ediotors, Rev. Fenian and Rev. Paco, THE STARK FIST ONLINE has an updated FEBRUARY 2005 ALT.SLACK DIGEST encompassing the bizarre thoughts and discoveries of the alt.slack denizens during that strange month.

The "DR. HOWL TO 8X-DAY" FUND is getting CLOSE -- we're only $150 from our goal, which is a $412 plane ticket, SF to CLE. (Turns out I spoke a "wei" bit too soon... Wei and I already gave more at the office than we thought. Or would really want to think ABOUT.)

Plane fare for Dr. Howl Almost Possible!

So far we've raised $225 for Hal's plane ticket... close enough that I priced them today. It's $412 with tax, lowest I found on Priceline. Wei and I can put in $50 each so we only need another $75!!

SEVENTY FIVE BUCKS will bring Dr. Howl to 8X-Day!


Or $25 from THREE!

Paypal button on X-Day page

OR email me with half your credit card # and then another email with the other half and the expiration date!

With Philo AND Hal there, we won't need ANY PREACHERS OR BANDS! (We'll have them anyway.)

Speaking of bands, the only "name bands" or even bands that HAVE names that I know are coming are The Amino Acids and Lonesome Cowboy Dave's Mondo Retardo Band. That means major jam-space and DJ-ing time for ambitious or compulsive arteests and Doktors. So bring your noisemakers.

Last year we didn't EXPECT Little Fyodor, but he and Babushka showed up and turned in a set that blew everybody away (and became a live album!).

Another way to help make 8X-Day a big success is to BUY TONS OF SACRED MEDIA DIRECTLY FROM THE SUBGENIUS FOUNDATION:

There's quite a bit that's brand spanking new.

PRAISE BE to the DONATORS of the HOWL-TICKET: Gov. Rocknar, Sister Decadence, Phineas Narco, Rev. Weinholt, Rev. Delirus!

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

8X-Day and Other Stuff


X-Day is bearing down swiftly! Although the impending End of the World would theoretically be cause to blow everything off, for The SubGenius Foundation it's ironically the busiest time of the year. Hopefully this will be the last year, period. I spent last week doing the Church Taxes (!!), followed by the X-Day mailing, and those are both yearly chores that I wouldn't mind transcending. We have some pretty stiff bills that I would especially like to transmigrate out of having to pay.

My favorite SubGenius news forum, alt.slack, has been abuzz with excitement and ahorn with lust about 8X-Day at Brushwood, and I've compiled and edited the meat of it in an 8X-DAY DETAILS, NEWS, SPECULATIONS section.

Rev. Nickie Deathchick's Costume Ball theme this year is DIETIES. BECOME ONE. BUILD one.

Last year, we raised the $cratch for plane fare to bring in the fantastic performer and scholar Dr. Howl, but this year we're still $200 short of that goal. "BOB" has already matched your donation! Governor Rocknar has led the crusade. You can donate via Paypal via a button on the 8X-Day page, mailing a check or "buying" something from BULLDADA and then emailing me to say it's really for Dr. Howl. HURRY!


If you're into downloading free movies, alt.binaries.multimedia.slack has been freshly filled up with X-Day related short videos, including most recently the excellent "5X-Day Featurette" in MP4 and a DivX video of the intense 10-minute "music video" cut of 6X-Day. There have been several songs, then music videos or "Dobbsedeliasteses", about X-Day, and those have all been duly deposited. These aren't crappy little blurry computer mpegs but QUALITY BOOTLEGS that play from a CDR on many DVD players. And don't just download them -- UPLOAD THEM to OTHER movie newsgroups! If there is ONE MORE UNSAVED SUBGENIUS SOUL remaining out there who MIGHT make it aboard the Saucers if we make that outreach effort, then we must make that effort!

There's a huge PODCAST and stash of excellent stereo MP3s of recent Hour of Slack Radio shows at Radio4All.

Some of this is costing us a mint and we need MONEY -- not just for ourselves, but for KOOL-AID at 8X-Day, among other things. You don't want the Church handyman, Old Muleskinner, and his kids, to go hungry. We already had to sell Ol' Bessie and Ol' Bossie. So please, see if there isn't something YOU DESPERATELY NEED in the catalog -- THERE IS!! Or will be. By tomorrow I hope to have TWO new DVDs, one new CD and THREE new CDRs on the NEW CRAP page.


We did a mailing last week to ALL U.S. SUBGENIUS MINISTERS on our mailing list -- an 8X-Day postcard. I went over the Minister list myself in minute detail, cross-referencing it with The Akashic Records, The Book of Life, and the lists the C.I.A. trades with us -- and it looks to me like MANY OF YOU NEVER SENT IN THAT LITTLE ADDRESS AND NAME VERIFICATION POSTCARD that came with your Membership Pack! SLACKERS!

DON'T WORRY -- YOU'LL STILL BE RUPTURED UP TO THE SAUCERS ON X-DAY. You have that $30 Minister's Card/Saucer Ticket, and your Pstench is in The Book of Life. But you might not get mailings from The SubGenius Foundation.

If you bought that pack from Bulldada Time Control since last September, when total and utter control over the business fell back into Stangian Orthodox hands, you don't have anything to worry about. My personal Throne Office staff is very well disciplined by the NunSnakes. But if you bought it from the CafePress store, or the late Austin SubGenius office before The Conspiracy shut it down, and didn't mail in that card, then you probably aren't on our mailing list. If you got an X-Day postcard this week, then obviously you don't have to worry about it. If you didn't, but you bought a Membership, you should mail or fax to my office that verification postcard (or a photocopy of it, if you want to keep the purty Legume color art that's on it). That's 888-669-2323 or 216-320-9528 for the fax, or Box 181417, Cleveland Hts, OH 44118.

I do my bitching and moaning on alt.slack about the hard practicalities of being the Head Clerk of "Bob's" earthly outreach... a LOT of bitching and moaning. One of these days I'll collect those together so the newsgroup-blind can endure them if they wish to. Some of the... individuals, and the... situations... that I find myself dealing with are pretty... "funny." But I want to use this blog mainly for the really important stuff, like what YOU NEED TO BUY.

I try to save my serious RANTING for devivals, public preaching engagements, Hour of Slack and the occasional written outburst on alt.slack, which eventually sifts down into the Online Stark Fist anyway. Hmm, maybe I should change that front page to reflect the fact that this is the year 2005.

We have several very small projects and one very very LARGE project that we'd like to concentrate on, once we're aboard the Escape Vessels, or once we otherwise get this mundane earthly crap out of the way.

No end to the little tasks of a Scribe, I tell you. But I want you, dear friend, to know that I am a true SUBGENIUS of a Sacred Scribe. That means that, while I LIKE to bust ass on SubGenius projects, and especially with the Escape Vessels on their way, I am also empowered to TOTALLY BLOW THEM ALL OFF.

And so on that Slackful note, I shall take my leave.

Thank you for SHOPPING SUBGENIUS and helping us fight the Wor. See you on the Saucers!