Saturday, December 17, 2005

St. Byron Werner Art Website!

SubGenius Saint Byron Werner has been making unusual original art since the early
70s. He is currently working in a style that is uniquely his own. Using
gift wrapping paper and various hole punches and scissors he creates a
psychedelic folk art paper mosaic, blazing with bright contrasting
colors and jumbled textures. His surfaces are alive, kinetic and
interactive with reflective elements and curious details. Photography
sometimes does not do them full justice. Computers are not used. This
is strictly a folk art, hands on approach. The meticulous detail gives
evidence to the long hours of careful assembly.

Commissions are welcome. Please contact the artist for details.

Artwork by Byron Werner web pages:

Contact Byron Werner:

Friday, December 16, 2005

Ultimate Xistlessnessmas Holiday Rerun Hour of Slack

Hour of Slack 1026: Ultimate Xistlessnessmas Mix

Rerun of #867 (& 921), which was itself a condensation of the previous year's 3-show "Best of Xmas Sickness" compilation, which were themselves the concentrated best-of from 15 years' worth of previous Xmas SubGenius and other Xmas weirdo collections.


Stereo Ogg and mono mp3:

For folks with old timey modems, that mono mp3 is quite a small file, only 10 mb.

Also just put online is the latest of the SubG-OverTheEdge-Puzzling Evidence Thanksgiving Executive Banquet III and JFK Assassination Investigation, Hour of Slack #1025: for the stereo mp3.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Zillions of free SubGenius Videos

Over twenty are already posted, and more coming!

Just about ANYBODY can now view the main SubGenius videos (including excerpts from the newly revamped ARISE!). Over twenty are already posted, and more coming!

NOTE: Two of the videos, "Public Service Announcement" and "Dobbs DeMeditator," were not posted by me. These may be the first two that appear on the screen; don't let them deter you. There are two pages listing a dozen videos each. The best one to start with would be "SubGenius Commercial," if you have't seen it, or the ARISE clip called "Life of "Bob"."

This Video Google thing can be pretty habit-forming. The oddest things come up when you use its search engine. I typed in "nudity" for the search, and on the first page I got (among other things with little or no actual nudity) the SubVids BUG PORN and X-DAY'S A-COMIN'.

Seeing "BUG PORN $1" on that screen in exactly that way completes a
circle -- years ago, I had a dream of seeing bug close-ups with the
blinking bold red phrase "BUG PORN $1" on an internet movie, and that's
what prompted me to start actually putting together that movie. Which
may be one reason the narrative of the movie actually makes no kind of
sense at all.

I need to go back in and add keywords to most of the movies'
descriptions. I'll put them in a secret place where the video uploader
put the transcript, if there is one -- which nobody else sees yet. The
search engine looks for those words, though. That's why if you use
"triceratops" for the search it'll pull up a dumb Japanese rock band
and Day of the SubGenius -- which is based on Brag of the SubGenius,
which text is what I pasted in for the transcript.

OTHER VIDEO NEWS: iPod, phone versions of ARISE!, other SubGenius shorts

iPOD-ready versions of several shorts -- and THE WHOLE ARISE! --- are
on a.b.m.s. Yes, ALL OF ARISE! in iPod-ready m4v format (mpeg4 with a
twist of lemon). Only 400 mb! (posted in easy-to-assemble RAR parts
with special PARS in case any of the RARs are missing)

Also posted are teeny-tiny versions of ARISE! (the whole movie, in
sizes from 25 mb to 70 mb) ready for various types of mobile phones --
3GP format and AMC -- and a WMV version that's the teeniest yet, just
for the hell of it.

I also put some of these onto the Usenet groups alt.binaries.ipod.videos and alt.binaries.warez.pocketpc.movies

If any of you all-net-capable kids wanted to put these smallish files into circulation
some other way besides Usenet, that'd be great. I don't even know what
the other parts of the Internet are CALLED. All your peer to peer
stuff. Where you let your computers directly sniff each others' butts.
Let me know, is all I ask, so I can put a link to them on SubSITE.

A.b.m.s. also sports the full-res DivX avi of ARISE (from last week)
and an mpeg4 hi-res version, posted a month ago.

This is the REVISED ARISE!, with a lot of fixes and new footage. The ARISE! DVD in our catalog likewise is the new version. It has 45 minutes of Extra Features, too, that the old DVD didn't have: the Censored Scenes, 6X-Day, Bug Porn, 2 X-Day music videos ("X-Day's A-Comin'" and "Planet X or Bust"), Sosodada's Dobbstown travel ad, Onan's Confession, and Cobblestone's "Mapped Out 2".

I recut ARISE! video like a house-afire. I started out
intending merely to change some addresses and prices in the old
version, and pack some extras into the DVD (like the out-takes), but I
got to picking my way through the entire thing, replacing shots here
and fixing little niggling errors there. I must've made 300 changes.
It's REALLY different... much better looking.

Where there used to be shitty shots of great artwork, now it's great
shots of great artwork. Where there used to be crappy silent movie
footage in some places, now there's full-scale CGI. Like for instance,
Dobbstown used to be represented by some ripped-off shot from a silent
Atlantis movie or whatnot. Now it's REALLY DOBBSTOWN in full glorious
CGI. The Wings of Slack rise over cities as sunset-lit clouds stream
overhead. Melty psychedelic Dobbsheads that were impressive in 1986
have been replaced by melty psychedelic Dobbsheads that were impressive
in 2006.

Sequences that were once one dull shot of an old graphic are now
BARRAGES of DOZENS of new graphics. Or oldishly-new graphics (mostly
Nenslo, me and LeMur). I even added updated end-credits so that
Nenslo's name is spelled right. His was the last name listed on the old
credits roll and it was spelled "Orton Neslo."

There are excellent mpeg4 and divX avi copies on alt.binaries.multimedia.slack for
those who can't wait for the revised DVD, will never pay for it, and
who know what an mp4 is and how to download a 686 mb file from a
binaries Usenet group, which I figure narrows it down to about 5

The mpeg4 plays on video iPods. Some DVD players will
play mpeg4 or avi, some won't.

Old ARISE! watchers will not be able to detect anything MISSING, but
you'll see a lot of NEW stuff. The old version of ARISE was finished in
1991... but this new version has glimpses and even whole added clips of
(relatively) newer SubGenii like Rev. Susie the Floozie, Rev. Nickie
Deathchick, Rev. Carter LeBlanc, The Amino Acids, Lonesome Cowboy Dave


Here's a fun "Bob" sound game to do and play

The fine folks at Leanback Productions (or so they say) have completed
this hypnotic interactive noisemaker. You access this ongoing stream of
audio loops from the site, then click on a colorful Dobbshead -- each
click causes the configuration of random audio loops to change. Some of
the loops are musical and some are from the SubSITE Sound Holes, so
what come up are randomly-grabbed combos of music and old-timey
SubGenius ranting. If you like a loop, you click in the red areas near
the Pipe, and if you don't like something, you click in the blue upper
hairdo areas of the Dobbshead. This "ranks" the loop, and changes the
stream to another randomly-selected one.

So far, only the maker and I have diddled with it, but in theory, as
more people monkey with it, it becomes more complex.

As I understand it, which may not be saying much, there is some math
behind this that's new, which may be of interest to programmers.

My only problem with it is that it takes like 8 seconds for the change
to occur after my clicks, which I think is because the signal has to go
to London and back for the change to register.

I had extra fun with it, because it forced me to install the free Mac
audio prog "WHAMB," which streams OGG files that iTunes won't stream,
and I'm always glad when I'm forced to install a superior free program

Thursday, October 27, 2005

SubGenius Holiday Coming!

Reverend Sinphaltimus Exmortus called Halloween "the day I wear my costume on the inside."

Here are our yearly SubSITE holiday reruns!

2004 Scary Art

2002 Scary Art

Olde-Tyme Halloween SubSITE home page

Extreme Pumpkins! Helpful hints. (Not one of ours.)

Pope Phil Monty's Halloween Card to Everyone

Halloween Rants

Oct 29th
The 9th annual Halloween bash @ Larry's house in Mount Clemens mi
Mike The Pagan (Bagpipes)
The Cahsket Bahstards
The Jollys
The Minowin Brain Eaters (an Amino Acids cover band...wink wink)
Snacks and stuff will be here as well
E-mail Rev. Angry Larry for directions or more info

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

All Manner of New Stuff in the SubGenius Store

Ah, the $ales of "Bob"!

When our manufacturing partners at CafePress suggested some new SubGenius products they could provide at ULTRA-NEW, LOW, LOW NECK-BREAKING PRICES, we POUNCED UPON THE CHANCE!

For the Connietites (and the ladies) there are Sacred Tracksuits, Junior hoodies and Raglan hoodies! For the cud-chewin', head-scratchin' good ol' SubBoys, or SubGals, we offer several new Poebucker Cap styles sporting our best-selling, most Pink-angering designs, including the beloved "Bob"Fish.

For the Home or Lab Handyman we have Dobbshead light switches -- he looks great with a switch for a nose -- and for the devout, there are stately cherrywood-framed ceramic Holy Art altar ornaments.

We added some of our favorite art to three of the Large "Big Slug" Hallucinogenic Coffee-like Beverage Mugs. We offered these designs on regular coffee mugs already, but nobody here at the labs uses the regular sized mugs anymore, and we wanted them on large-size buckets for ourselves. All these fine things are pictured at the links below.

DID YOU KNOW that we can customize goods for you to some extent? For instance, if you see some art on a white T-shirt that you wish you could have on a GRAY or GREEN shirt, or if you would prefer a given shirt DIDN'T have anything on the back, say… we can easily add that product to the catalog, just for you (and whoever else comes along later). Just email with special requests.

***********2 new Goodies in GEEGAWS and GIMCRACKS

Sacred Church Logo Framed Tile
Mounted in front room, keeps out evil spirits, nosy neighbors, cops, IRS.
Set off our decorative ceramic tile in its own stylish Cherrywood frame – the perfect way to complete a decorative gift or keepsake. Rounded edges and quality construction make this Framed Tile the ultimate wall accent.
• Frame measures 6” x 6” x 0.5”, with 4.25” x 4.25” tile
• Constructed of stained Cherrywood
• Two holes for wall mounting

Dobbshead Light Switch Cover
Turn On the Darkness! Causes light to be sucked from a room when activated.
Turn it on! Add a fun, stylish accent to any room with our high-quality metal light switches. The roomy 3.5" x 5" size is a roomy creative surface to display unique decorative accents for the kitchen, office, or kid's room. Fits flush to the wall when installed.
• Measures 3.5" x 5", center hole measures 15/16" x 7/16"
• UL approved
• Glossy finish, fits flush with wall when installed

*********** New Hoodies, Tracksuits in WOMENS

Dobbshead Jr. Hoodie
BRANDED! "SubGenius" on back repels, True Dobbshead on Front beckons!
A fashion "must" that defines today’s hip style, our Jr. Hoodie is a body-loving curve-hugger. From American Apparel, get into baby soft 100% super fine-combed cotton fleece. Front zipper, hood and pockets to keep the chill off.
• Pre-washed 7.2 oz 100% Combed Ring Spun Cotton Fleece
• Size up for a looser fit
• Made in the USA

Dobbshead-Blessed Women's Tracksuit
Show you're not PINK! (Also available in Pink).
Our Women’s Raglan Tracksuit is sporty, stylish and ultra-soft, so it feels great against the skin. The zip up hoodie is side-seamed for a shapely fit. The color coordinated sweatpants are destined to be your favorite etc.etc.
• Preshrunk and laundered 100% combed ring-spun cotton
• 7.5 ounce mid-weight fleece
• Straight-leg sweatpants with drawstring waist

Dobbshead Branded Women's Raglan Hoodie
Three colors available -- but Dobbshead and Church Logo on back retain sacred original untainted noncolors!
Our Women's Raglan Hoodie is sporty, stylish and ultra-soft, etc etc etc.

*********** New Styles in SubDobbsian HEADGEAR

Bobfish Cap
The other good ol' boys will jes' luv this'n. Yeee haw. Available in khaki or white.
Our adjustable, 100% brushed cotton Cap is unstructured and an ideal way to beat the heat. Wear it anytime you want to keep the sun off or cover up a bad hair day. It features a sturdy low profile brim, sweatband, and adjustable closure, as well as Premium Printing for images that last.
• ·Adjusts from 20" to 24"
• Crown measures 3 _"
• Unstructured 100% brushed cotton canvas
• Available in Khaki or White

SubGenius Logo Cap
Handy "cap" hides cranial deformities, macro-or micro-encephalagy, Mentat swelling, Slan tendrils, etc.

Bobfish Trucker Hat
One of our most popular and also most widely detested items! Yet it's NEW!
Up for the long haul, our standard Trucker Hat features a resilient polyester foam front, and adjustable headband for the perfect fit.
• Adjusts from 17" to 24"
• Crown measures 4"
• 100% polyester foam front, 100% nylon mesh weave back

OBEY Trucker Hat
Sturdy Espira "Obey" logo hypnotises subjects, lessens their squirming during Indoctrination sessions.


45 MORE Dobbsheads Large Mug
Heart Ignition's mutated grandchildren! Takes days to ingest.
Super-size your favorite beverage or just size-up to avoid spills with our hefty, 15 oz. ceramic Large Mug. Large easy-grip handle. When you need more, mug it up.
• Measures 4.5" tall, 3.25" diameter
• Dishwasher and microwave safe

The Test Large Mug
Mural by Rev. Ivan Stang pays homage to "Bob" and Don Tatro's Creepy Clown.

Bond-2 Dobbsheads Large Mug
Mister Fernandinande LeMur adapted this old timey artwork just for you. Romantic. Buy a whole set for a wedding gift.

*******And don't miss the short-lived collector's items in the X-Day section:


Hour of Slack #1016 - Live show with St. Paul Krassner

Special episode, live at the WCSB studio in Cleveland on 10-09-05 with guest St. Paul Krassner and regular hosts Rev. Ivan Stang, Lonesome Cowboy Dave and Princess Wei "R." Doe.

"What REALLY Happened to The Left?" -- plus the unusual chain-gang of idiots.

Ogg Vorbis copies and misc. radio stations' streams:

MP3s at:


Saturday, September 10, 2005

Euro-Devivals set for November

HAMBURG Devival Weekend
Nov. 18, 19, 20th

Nov. 26-30

July 2006

Details on our Events page

Last year, thanks to Pope Jim of Brighton, Princess Wei and I were fortunate enough to do the Euro-Sub tour, and we had the time of our lives -- partly because we had already learned to expect the unexpected, particularly when following Pope Black, who is organizing the Hamburg weekend. The Amsterdam 'Frop Cup, however, is organized by NO ONE, and nothing is promised, so maybe nothing can go wrong.

Also, we have never met a Euro-Sub we didn't like. Probably we've just been lucky as hell.

If another demonic angel were to come along, we'd love to attend this year. But the angelic demons at Gription Clench donated an EXTREMELY nice computer, and my intention is to exploit that gift by editing the choice footage from the many past devivals, the 2004 Euro-tour, 8X-Day, teX-Day -- and eventually to dig way down into the vaults and start assembling a History of the Church of the SubGenius. This huge multimedia project would also involve a new book and an endlessly linked timeline on SubSITE. That should keep us busy here at the Foundation office for a few YEARS.

A reminder -- this "blog" part of SubSITE is really just for SubGenius product and event "spam." I still write rants and tirades about current events and people, but I prefer doing that in the interactive environment of alt.slack, where there's almost INSTANT negative feedback from equally ornery rant-writers. Some of it bleeds over into The Hour of Slack when we do those live, and the best of it is what I try to use in devivals or speaking engagements.

For years we tried to edit some of alt.slack and drag it over here for permanent installation, and we still do, but it's DAMNED hard to keep up with that exceedingly busy newsgroup!

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

New SubGenius DVD just out


3 Sermons on The Word of "Bob"
by Rev. Ivan Stang
(sections co-written with Uncle Dr. Onan Canobite)


2 one-hour rants, covered by multiple cameras at Winterstar 2005 and Starwood 25 -- plus a short excerpt from the insane Detroit Devival of 2005.

The WINTERSTAR '05 rant takes place indoors at a fancy ski resort, with a smaller crowd, and is relatively informal. The sermon at STARWOOD 25 is presented with a special rearscreen projection of *Dobbsedeliasteses* before a large audience of neopagans at an outdoor festival. Unlike the diatribes and jermemiads delivered to dues-paying, ordained SubGenii at Devivals, these Stang-rants are not "preaching to the choir." Starwood and Winterstar audiences, being largely new to SubGenius doctrine, require a more explanatory, soft-sell approach. Also, unlike at Devivals, the audience is not trying to out-yell the preacher. Thus, these sermons make good watchable introductions for those relatively new to the Church.

The Detroit clip is more typical of what one might see at a true SubGenius devival -- delivered completely spontaneously in a rock-n-roll bar, between band set-ups.

Princess Wei "R." Doe shot parts of all shows; the Starwood segmant utilizes Andy Adamovich's multi-camera video coverage, and Dennis Murphy ran the second camera on Winterstar.

Winterstar and Starwood are produced by A.C.E. (

This is our first all-rant video.

Monday, September 05, 2005

Hour of Slack 1011 -- Live 9-4-05, Hurricane Katrina for mp3 and podcast for OGG and Log

Doing a live "funny" show after something like this is a challenge. Before the show, I scoured alt.slack for various SubGeniusful takes on the tragedy, and then culled out the notions that were too sick even for us. That meant removing many of iDRMRSR's inimitably grisly writings! But many more remained -- this is an unusually Sisterian show. (Or would that be "Sisternian"?) A Nensletic news report about the all-devouring Bush is recited with gusto. Even the tasteless IRC movie title list was scavenged (albeit edited). The copious collages by Norel Pref and LeMur (and lately, JOE) were mostly done before the disaster and relate mainly be coincidence, likewise the Rainmakers songs.

The Internet version of this particular show is 8 minutes longer than the air-play (PG-rated) version.

Friday, September 02, 2005

Hurricane-Area SubGenii -- Phone Home

We understand that you may have other things on your minds, such as they are, but if you get a chance, please email me - - so we can let your fellow SubGenii know if you're okay and if you need help. You might not have to be the refugee guest of Normals. The Slackermansion here in Cleveland is already full of refugees from Normality, but maybe there's a SubGenius family near you that could be of assistance.

We haven't come up with very much that's FUNNY about the disaster, but on alt.slack there is plenty of anger to be found, with the reminders that most of the budget for U.S. flood control was diverted into Iraq oil control a couple of years ago. That decision sure came back to bite The Conspiracy on the ass, although the decision-makers aren't the ones who'll suffer from it. They never are; Their eager Dupes do all the suffering. And the funny thing is, those Dupes always come back for more!

The Book of Life shows several hundred SubGenius ministers in LA, AB, MI and So. FL. We haven't heard from any of them yet.

In 1962, J.R. "Bob" Dobbs made a prediction. He said, "It's gonna be a bummer, man."

His Threat Rang True.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Volume 21 of Hour of Slack in MP3 now in Scatalog

takes you to

12 Hours of Slack in MP3, Volume 21: Shows # 998 - 1008, plus XXX-Rated Hour of Slack #7
(June to August, 2005, including much 8X-Day live stage radio with Dr. Howll, Philo and Stang)

HoS 998 - X-Day
HoS 999 - "Bob" and X-Day
HoS 1000 - Special Episode!
HoS 1001 - Secrets of The Conspiracy
HoS 1002 - 8X-Day
HoS 1003 - 8X-Day/Starwood
HoS 1004 - The Con Vs. 8X-Day
HoS 1005 - Philo & Hal Vs. The Con
HoS 1006 - Sex, Drugs and Keywords of 8X-Day
HoS 1007 - early man vs. the drug war
HoS 1008 - - Ask Dr. Howl

X-Rated Hour of Slack #7

Nifty covers on the jewel case by Heart Ignition and IMBJR

Monday, August 22, 2005

Ton o' Luv on alt.binaries.multimedia.slack

Thanks to the Gription Clench donation of a REALLY high-end computer, the Bombies and Zomboes here at Bulldada Time Control Labs have been cranking out video. Eventually we will probably attempt to make actual money off these videos, by selling DVDs of them, but in the meantime, they're free on our binaries newsgroup in very high quality DivX avi format, usually with an alternate in old-fashioned MPEG video. If you burn them to a CDR, they play and look pretty much like a DVD.

I have also been posting the teeny-tiny, jerky-movement, tiny screen-sized "Internetty" versions on alt.binaries.slack, where we keep the smaller files like single-song MP3s and nonmoving graphics.

ALSO, I have begun posting entire Susie the Floozy radio shows in MP3.

Last X-Day Drill, Susie gave Pater Nostril copies of a several dozen of her incredible shows, in MP3 on two data DVDs. He gave them to me to put on a.b.m.s., since I have a faster connection. So far I have uploaded four of these shows… I'll probably put another one or two up every couple of days for the next few months. Being hour-long shows, the MP3s are a little too big for alt.binaries.slack in the quantities I'll be uploading.

You KNOW, of course, that the Puzzling Evidence shows are also downloadable, archived in MP3, from

Susie's shows are also archived for a while on, as are the Lymph Node Institute shows.

VIDEOS on a.b.m.s.:

Not all of them, but some of these short animated music videos have been reposted in SVCD-style mpeg-2. These probably WON'T be posted again in this form, because I plan to add more spiffy effects to most of them for their next incarnation.

This is just me sitting at a table, talking to a big room full of people who are mostly NOT dues-paying SubGeniuses. Because of this I was able to get lots of words in edgewise. There are dozens of videos like this, except this had a) unusually good video and audio (a 2-camera shoot) and b) an unusually good performance by me, or else an unusually understanding audience, maybe both. The audio is available on a CD in our catalog, but this is the first whole sermon by me that I thought was good enough to go on a DVD. Main subjects of the rant, besides a brief into to the Church, are SubGenius "kooks," and the ease with which a fairly "unenlightened" individual can come to believe itself to be "enlightened." In other words, ALL BELIEF SYSTEMS are politely but very conscientiously trashed.

Although I was working from some of the same notes as the Winterstar sermon, this one is a completely different animal. I was speaking on an outdoor stage to a much larger audience, with a special video projection behind me made from the instrumental Dobbsedeliasteses music videos, with the credits and titles removed. (Thus in some ways, you're getting two videos for one.) My camera was shooting from the side (and getting excellent sound) but there was also a professional crew shooting and live-mixing two cameras. I was able to intercut between these two sources, so the end result is like 3-camera coverage.

Mayjickians, Maygggishens, and students of the occult will recognize the female authors of several of their fave witchcraft books, walking past the stage during wide shots, TOPLESS. New game: IDENTIFY THE OCCULT AUTHORS BY THEIR TEATS.


I'm editing this footage bit by bit, in discreet chunks, like a bunch of little shorts. The first one is the least explicable, least doctrinal, least identifiable as in any way inspired by "Bob" -- the Ritual Teabagging of Gov. Rocknar. For this I had footage from two cameras, operated by Wei/I and Frop/Dec. Includes Dok Frop's bizarre "facehugger" bagging.

"TEABAGGING" is only 7 minutes long. Don't ask me to explain or excuse it.

"AMERICA, FUCK YEAH" cover by Lonesome Cowboy Dave and The Mondo Retardo Band, also includes "SUBGENIUS ANTHEM". Princess Wei is actually the main singer on "America, Fuck Yeah" (from the movie Team America). This video is just one long shot, with me operating camera, zooming and panning appropriately. I had the advantage of having seen the rehearsals. The sound is a mix of the board recording by Pater Nostril and the video sound -- not too bad for low tech! 6 minutes total.

Almost all the ASK DR. HOWL audio from 8X-Day has been posted to a.b.m.s. in MP3, also to a.b.s. This is all from the hours of live "stage radio" recorded by me, Dr. Howl and Dr. Philo Drummond. If you are familiar with Dr. Howl, then I don't need to tell you anything. If you aren't familiar with Dr. Howl, especially his "Ask Dr. Howl" performances, please believe that this is some of the best, most highly faluted SubGenius material you'll ever encounter. Despite me and Philo.

Also on a.b.m.s. are several Hours of Slack and ARISE! The video, in DivX avi -- and, just today:

KEEP IT SURREAL by Lamprey Systems ( -- a collection of all the collage music videos so far by this great SubGenius Arteest. The videos aren't specifically SubGenius, but they are about as SubGenius-y as you can get. AND YOU CAN GET THEM MAILED TO YOU FOR FREE!

Yes. I was about to download this 2-DVD set when I found DVD copies from Lamprey System in the Sacred P.O. Box -- with a letter from St. Robert Carr stating that any DUES-PAYING SubGenius minister who emails him at and is gullible enough to tell him their snail mail address can have their own personal copy!

And I thought I was being generous by giving my videos away on the Internet -- he's even paying the POSTAGE, and MAILING you free copies!

Now that alt.binaries.multimedia.slack exists, poverty cannot stop you from getting SubGenius videos and audio. Only a refusal to read the instructions can prevent your downloading. The lazy and/or ignorant can always BUY these videos, needless to say.


"DivX avi" is a video format that will play on most new, cheap DVD players but not on most older, expensive ones. It will play on any computer that can play video, but it needs the latest version of the DivX codec, which involves a quick, painless, free operation at

"alt.binaries.multimedia.slack" is on Usenet. Here are some clues about Usenet binaries newsgroups:

You can learn much more by googling.

Boy, is that an understatement.

Here at SubGenius Foundation we believe in BOTH "open source" AND the evils of piggish capitalism. We see absolutely no reason why the two can't co-exist, as long as lazy or ignorant people can't download the free stuff too easily, and must buy it to see it. PRAISE "BOB" for the lazy and the ignorant, for they pay MY MORTGAGE, among other things. And, like "Bob," they seem to make more money than the rest of us.

DEVO Art Show

Aug. 20, 2005

In alt.slack, Pink Liberation Front wrote:

> Stang thats the price of fame, ya know I put up the pic of abo'bob at work
> today and no-one even noticed him

That's what you think.

Like none of those millions of schoolchildren noticed him when he was
on the wall of Pee Wee's Playhouse.

YOU didn't notice the Dobbshead the first time, yourself -- THAT YOU

I managed to edit the Ritual Teabagging footage yesterday. The fact
that I did so is PROOF that I am a SubGenius. YOU'LL SEE... it is truly
MOST fucked up. Fucked up and inexplicable. I am gonna put titles on it
today and probably post it to abms tomorrow. This is one of those
situations where I'm GLAD that many people "can't" get abms. (Actually
anybody with a computer and a phone line can, but it might cost them
$10/month for EasyNews or Giganews or whatnot.)

Also on a.b.s. are the first full-length rants by me on video that I
thought were worth sitting through visually (i.e. more than one camera,
and a video backdrop) -- Winterstar and Starwood both from this year.
I'll put these on DVD eventually, but for now there's an excellent free
DivX avi of each one on a.b.m.s. -- each exactly fits a 700 mb CDR.

Last night we attended the Mark Mothersbaugh art show in Kent, and
performances by The Spudboys and the actual real life School of Rock
kids. It seems that the Jack Black vehicle, "School of Rock," was
loosely based on a real situation. That school exists and the kids are
taught to rock. Currently they are being taught to rock by the people
who are in Stinking Lizavetta. Anyway these high school kids cover a
couple of dozen DEVO songs so well that I honestly enjoyed them and The
Spudboys, the DEVO research and emulation band that forms ONLY during DEVOtionals, MORE than I enjoyed the actual DEVO concert the night before.

Reason being, when DEVO does their old songs, it sounds EXACTLY LIKE
THEIR OLD SONGS. And they can't help but sound like they've played each
big hit song a thousand times. The Spudboys and School of Rock however
DON'T sound like they've played these songs a thousand times, they
sound like they're really enjoying playing the songs THIS ONCE.

The DEVOtional starts in Akron at noon today... Wei is yard-saling, and
I'm teabag-titling, but but tonight we'll go and videotape the bands at
the Lime Spider.

I now wish I had brought my DV cam to the bar last night because those
PRETTY TEENAGE GIRLS covering songs like "Wiggly World" and "Big Mess,"
you had to see it to believe it. Especially the ... well... let's not
go there. Suffice it to say that the knuckles on my right hand are well

According to Gerry Casale, The Disney Channel is working on some show
called DEVO 2.0, about the adventures of a teen or child band that does
DEVO songs.


Rev. Mothersbaugh's art show was fun enough, but it wasn't the
hand-drawn sicko postcards or the blacklight poster paintings; this
time it was pretty elementary Photoshop tweaks on antique photos he
found -- simply mirroring one side of the image right down the middle,
producing an odd symetry. I like Mark's hand drawn art a whole lot, but
if he posted this stuff on alt.binaries.slack under a fake name, they'd
congratulate him on successfully running a Photoshop filter, the same
way we all did when we first got Photoshop, and then ignore him. If
they even replied at all. I love his nutty writings a la My Struggle
by Booji Boy, and his cartoons and drawings, but this Photoshop filter
stuff... EH.

I'll bet it impresses the rich, though.

But then, who am I to act like Mister High Faluting Art Critic. I'm
except the absolutely most Sub of SubGenii.

But, yet, that damn footage is still cracking me up EVERY TIME.

DEVO Concert and DEVOtional in Cleveland

Aug. 19, 2005

Much to my surprise I'll get to attend the annual DEVOtional services after all.

That's at The Lime Spider in Akron, a nice bar that has sponsored DEVOtionals and also devivals before. Here's the blurb on the DEVO fan site:

And tonight, in Kent, Ohio, Mark Mothersbaugh's traveling art show opens. I guess Wei and I will go to that as well. It'll be the first time I've ever actually been to Kent.

Princess Wei and I bought the expensive floor tickets to the DEVO show at the last minute, by email, went to the outdoor Scene Pavilion, met Rev. Chris Lee and Rev. Prostata Contata, as planned, and also encountered many other SubGenii, the more insane WCSB DJs, and otherwise devolved friends and acquaintances, including the ubiquitous Rev. Steve Scynic.

The show started on time and, what can I say, it was a DEVO concert. I've seen about ten of those, and the main thing that distinguished this one especially for me was that everyone in the band is ten years older and fatter. Performancewise they were the same young spudboys, which is exactly what DEVOtees want.

For the first half they wore the classic first-album yellow radiation suits, then they tore those off to reveal their new black T-and-short-pants minimalist uniform.

They noticeably stuck to songs from the early albums. A stagehand who was a Princess Wei admirer gave her the actual filth-besmeared set list print-out after the show:

(DEVO Concert Video Overture)


There were no big changes to song structures, no weird versions, although "Freedom of Choice" began with an "America the Beautiful" intro and a sarcastic rant about the current state of American politics.

Throughout the whole last half of the show I was wondering what Mark had stuffed in his crotch that made it bulge cartoonishly. It was a giant sack of multicolored marble-sized SuperBalls, which, during the climactic number, he emptied by bouncing handfulls of the balls all off the stage into the audience.

For me a high point was when Gerry Casale addressed the crowd to say that de-evolution has turned out to be, if anything, much more real than the band had suspected when they were young. He declared, "I'M SORRY WE WERE RIGHT."

After the show, partially thanks to his nephew, we found our friend Rev. Michael Pilmer, the DEVO archivist who is now in their employ. He was handing out decal stickers with pictures of Energy Domes that you can punch out and plaster everywhere. "Spread 'Em Like a Virus," it says on there.

Holy shit, I just now noticed the credit line on this sticker: copyright 2005 DEVO Dome Illustration by Krk Ryden

Well I be damn. Rev. Krk Ryden (brother of Mark, also an illustrator) just joined the Church this year.

We met the band's new drummer for the first time. I asked DEVO guitarist Bob Mothersbaugh how his kids were, all grown up by now, and he said, "See that blond woman in the red shirt over there? That's my daughter Alexi, she was on the Shout cover," and I realized, I had met her when she was a 6 year old! We kept her up too late filming the R. U. Experienced? video. (She's the little girl sitting with a little boy when the TV explodes -- the little boy was Dr. Tim Leary's son.)

Much to my great horror, Gerry Casale now looks YOUNGER than me by about 15 years. He must have struck a deal with The Elder Bankers or the Gnomes of Zurich or somebody. Satan maybe. Mark Mothersbaugh, thank god, looks his age. In fact he and Rev. Bleepo Abernathy could now pass for twin brothers. I got to introduce him to Princess Wei. The last time I saw Mark, I was married to someone else. Unfortunately, he won't be at his own art opening in Kent, nor will any of the current DEVOs be in Akron for the DEVOtional, because COMMERCIAL MUSIC PRODUCTION CALLS. They have to run back to Mutato in L.A. to do a commercial or tweak a movie score.

I didn't see Rev. Bob Casale after the show, darn it. He's the only member of the band who actually PAID HIS $30. His wife Lisa is duly ordained too.

Much to my own ego gratification, and as heartening examples of continued DEVO-SubGenius crossover, six or seven people who were complete strangers to me approached and said nice things about the Church or The Hour of Slack. Three DIFFERENT complete strangers -- handsome young studly fellows -- approached Princess Wei and asked if she was "the space princess." One of them said, "Weird how the Internet can make you famous, huh?" This prompts me to envision dozens of studly young men happily wanking to digital photos of Wei on computer screens. Disconcerting. SHE probably thinks it's "COOL".

Anyway, hordes of newly-discovered Wei-stalkers aside, I was gladdened to see DEVO playing to a nice healthy-sized arena crowd, obviously making good money, while inspiring the geeks, abnormals and Beautants to resist surrender for another day or year. And in Cleveland, yet.

We will join our fellow enhardened DEVO fanatics at the DEVOtional geek-in on Saturday. But we won't be there until the evening; there's a street-wide mass yard sale on our street during the day, and we have several previous lives and families worth of excess material crap to get rid of.

Today I hope to edit an 8X-Day teabagging conga-line video. Yes, an 8X-Day teabagging conga-line video. For, NOW IT CAN BE TOLD -- WE'RE ALL DEVO!

By chance I have started reading "Guns, Germs and Steel" by Jared Diamond, which comes to the same basic conclusion that a DEVO concert does: de-evolution IS real.


Psytopia Still Not Yet As Cool As X-Day

Aug. 17, 2005

True, Psytopia is held at a posh resort in Jamaica where you get to live like a rich person, and X-Days are held at a campground where you have to sleep in a tent.

But X-Day has never been CANCELED. Even if the saucers didn't show, we at least held the DRILL.

Psytopia AS SUCH has been canceled, because the $ fell through at the last minute. And I do mean the VERY last minute! We almost left for the airport without reading the cancellation email.

Didn't I keep saying it sounded too good to be true? The people who bought $1000 tickets and flew to Jamaica will surely have a GREAT time at a SPLENDID resort, because their rooms are still reserved for them, but the Psytopia part of Psytopia is shut down totally.

I feel very sorry for the producer, and wrote him a letter saying I'm not upset and that surely it'll happen next year because it's such a great idea, and chin up, etc.

Then I immediately priced a Burning Man trip (about $2000 for the two of us, including a rented camper-van for a week, and a $650 plane ticket), but Philo and Wellman AREN'T GOING. Dr. Howll is. But the great thing about Psytopia was, it was ALL FREE for we the now-canceled bands, arteests and ranters.

We thought about spending only some plane ticket money, and flying to a place where we can PRETEND it's Jamaica or Amsterdam, and have Couchstock. (Dobbstown is out of the question, since it's hurricane season in Malaysia and three planes have already gone down.)

But in the end, we decided the Slackermansion and SubSITE need redecorating more than we need yet another festival. It's just that we were ALMOST ALL PACKED, and the act of UNPACKING now just seems so SAD. If we keep these bags packed, we'll be INSTANTLY READY for the next trip. ANY trip.

Talk about everything coming to a screeching halt. We got so much done in preparation for this trip, that just NOT HAVING TO DO ANYTHING for a while is like a vacation. I got AHEAD on Hours of Slack, bill paying, swag-mail-out, ALL that daily chore type crap -- for the next week we're FREE AND CLEAR! Starting last week, I'd been pulling my standard pre-trip last-minute all-nighter frenzy. I re-edited the psychedelic Dobbshead background projection video that I use behind my rant to distract and implant the audience (the music previously switched from instrumentals to bobsongs too soon), and made a new DVD of it. I got three MONTHS worth of Membership packs and ARISEs assembled. And then, just for the pure emergentile fuck of it, and to bone up on my lines, in the two days before the trip, I edited the two two-camera shoots of the Winterstar and Starwood devivals, AND made menus and put them on DVDs! And made DivX copies and RARred them! So there. And about that time I got the long sad email.

I was really looking forward to that warm ocean. Oh well. We have a beach nearby… SORT OF. And this DOES mean that I get to EDIT ALL THAT VIDEO, which is what I most have been wanting to do, really, if you get right down to it.

And Princess Wei is STILL off WORK, so it's not like I won't be in HEAVEN no matter what. This just means I won't have to share her for a WHOLE WEEK.


That was yesterday. Since then we've seen the third Harry Potter movie on TV, and we went to the actual movie theater to see Willy Wonka, which is splendid. Tim Burton has finally made up for Planet of the Apes with this one. The score is so Elfmaniacal that one could almost suspect it of being a parody of Elfman scores. Johnny Depp creates yet another great comic character. What a stud. The art design is INSANE. I wasn't attached to the earlier film version and I like this one better. If anything it's much WEIRDER. I can't wait to see the Cinefex article on the special effects. It's a DAHLing movie, rally it tis.

There was NO ONE ELSE in the theater. I don't think there was anybody else in the whole multiplex.

Christopher Nolan's Batman movie is at 7… hmmm. And we haven't seen that Once Upon a Time in Mexico disk yet.

Our work is cut out for us!

I thought about making a fake "OUR TRIP TO/AT PSYTOPIA" photo gallery. Like, a blurry photo of an ashtray -- "THIS WAS OUR ROOM, MAN! IT HAD AN INCREDIBLE VIEW!" A blurry close-up of some striped fabric: "WEI WORE THIS WILD BATHING SUIT, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?" Blurry photo of a blur. "WE BOUGHT THIS "TREAURE CHEST" FOR ONLY $50, TEN MINUTES AFTER WE GOT OFF THE PLANE, FROM A CRAZY DUDE NAMED RASTAFUS! MONEY WELL SPENT!" Photo of a grinning young man with long hair. "OUR NEW FRIEND REV. 420 THUNDERFUCK-BEARER!" Photo of a plate with food on it. "EVERYTHING IN THIS RESTAURANT WAS TOTALLY FREE, EVEN THE DRINKS!" Extreme close-up of Wei smiling. "WEI AND I COULDN'T GET ENOUGH OF THIS BEACH -- OR THOSE FREE DRINKS!" Blurry streaks of red lights -- some out-of-focus band. "OZRIC TENTACLES ROCKED! WE PARTIED WITH THEM BACKSTAGE RIGHT AFTER THIS SONG." Bad close-up of a gir's face. "YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE THIS DANCE CLUB. SHE WAS WEARING ONLY BODY PAINT AND A BOA CONSTRICTOR!"

But, I didn't.

I think the problem with Psytopia may have been that some of it it was set up based on gentleman's agreements, with little on paper to speak of in the way of contracts. A backer suddenly changed its mind, plus, 20 of the people who signed up never actually got around to PAYING up. Too small a margin for catastrophe, and no insurance against it.

And then there's the "X-DAY JAMAICA" notion which got to burbling in our heads. You must admit, it has a ring to it.

Friday, August 12, 2005

Off To, and At, Psytopia

I guess I had better check in, or I might get in trouble with you-know-who. My head has been buried in Hours and Hours, weeks really, of Slack. Due to 8X-Day Drill and Starwood, Hour of Slack production had fallen behind while stacking up. After getting the new Gription 620 supercomputer up and running, and after then pretty much disappearing into it, like Professor Challenger into The Lost World, I have managed to catch up and even get ahead. In the last week I got shows numbers 1005, 1006, 1007, 1008, and 1009 up and running, and/or mailed to stations and subscribers. These particular Hours of Slack bear EXTRA SLACK, for they all feature the great Dr. Howll and the notorious Dr. Philo Drummond as special live guests, along with fabulastical new musical doktors, and our unusual usuals.

You can hear those shows in all manner of formats via the Hour of Slack page on SubSITE.

Next week, Princess Wei and I are lucky enough to be attending Psytopia, a sort of consciousness convention at a fancy resort in Jamaica, the prospects of which STILL seem too good to be true. In theory, I will be preaching on Sunday night on a beach stage, with a machine projecting the new Dobbsedelia II mind-control video behind me, with a crowd of the UnSaved, all naked, young, rich and SEEKING... and boy howdy, have we got a seeking-stopper for them! Well, a temporary plug, anyway. A plug with a PIPE in it!

There are still a few tickets available for Psytopia, and if you share a triple room with 2 others, it's a lot cheaper.

Having gotten these Hours of Slack out of the way, according to my Sacred Scribe Orders from Dobbstown, I am supposed to answer about three months worth of email. But I gotta admit, all I can think about are these hours of video and graphics awaiting editing and animation.

If you're into downloading movies, I posted more SubGenius video than I can list here on alt.binaries.multimedia.slack during the last week or two. Nothing brand new besides the radio shows and some 8X-Day stage recordings, but many nice mpeg copies of various Dobbsedeliasteses, ARISE!, short SubClassics, etc.

I still hang out at alt.slack and alt.binaries.slack. If you prefer the blog method of communicating important messages to fellow SubGenii, remember

If you think you might like to read some SubGeniusly essays by a great SubGenius Hierarch from the Olden Days, try starting with this article about Yetis in the movies, and then back out from there to see Nensletic opinions and discoveries in many other fields of the arts and sciences.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005


We/I have almost completely returned from the 25th Starwood Festival, in which we're involved as both organizers and performers. It's a big, weird festival -- ten times the size of SubGenius X-Day Drills, one-tenth the size of Burning Man. It's so weird that it takes a long time to fully return.

Princess Wei shot many evocative photos, and I have written up a fairly lengthy SubG-centric report; it's all now on SubSITE:

Stang's Report and Wei's photos of Starwood 25:


Saint Paul Krassner, who has delivered many hilarious sermons at the last several Starwoods, is writing up his own Starwood report for the normally staid The Nation magazine -- we're looking forward to that balancing act!

Next: PSYTOPIA, the psychedelics/consciousness convention in Jamaica! August 17-23.

All I want to do is EDIT ALL THESE TAPES!! But first I shall dutifully mail out the sacred swag that was ordered while we were gone, like a good Sacred Scribe. I know, I know, contradiction in terms.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005


Yes, SCREW EVERYTHING! The world ended, and we MAY HAVE DIED! That means we can take our SWEET TIME doing DAMN NEAR ANYTHING WE WANT!


Tumultuous events marked the 8X-Day Drill, and SubSITE now sports the reports, disrespectful wisecracks and galleries of dorkily lewd photographs from dozens of SubGenius Delegates to the 8X-Day Drill -- actually our TENTH Drill, if you want to get technical about it. We thank all the writers and photographers who tossed in their cookies, and everyone who made this event the violent and fractious Apocalypse Practice that it was.

Incidentally, the reports from alt.slack, which also include the 2005 BOBBIE AWARDS list, have been specially Stang-edited for readability, with repetition and other meaningless Internet garbage eliminated. And, the photo section also features new pics from teX-Day '05 near Austin.


The SubGenii returned bearing boxes of video and audio recordings. We are pumping those out onto Hour of Slack in refined form, and onto alt.binaries.slack and alt.binaries.multimedia.slack in raw form. Currently on both SubG binaries newsgroups there are hours of audio in MP3, including performances by special guest Dr. Howl, various other ranters, the Bulldada Auction, 8X-related live radio shows.

The newsgroup alt.binaries.multimedia.slack now holds several new and new/old SubGenius films in various digital formats, such as the 1-hour 7X-Day -- Share the Load, as well as a film ABOUT X-Day and the Church by non-SubGenii, plus 7-5-98, which solely depicts the 7 am climax of the 1998 X-Day gathering and the subsequent lynching of yours truly. The 7X-Day video is a barrage-edited GUT BLOWOUT, thanks to special guests Dr. Howl, Philo Drummond, Little Fyodor, The Amino Acids, Rev. Zorro, and many more Great Spazzmasters.

HOW TO USE USENET to get movies, etc


We celebrated our 1000th Hour of Slack just before 8X-Day; audio from the event fueled #s 1002, 1003, and 1004; and just for Emergentile Yuks we also cranked out our eighth "XXX-Rated Internet-Only" show, which is meant only for the ears of downloaders, bootleggers and our beloved Hour of Slack individual subscribers.

For a short time, ALL of those shows will be on SubSITE in hi-res (and also very lo-res) Ogg Vorbis format, and for a LONG time, all of them will be on the wonderful Radio4All site in good quality MP3.



Just before the world ends, in a frenzy of meaninglessness, we always manage to finish several projects for our Bulldada Time Control media catalog, and to add the most intense new designs to our CafePress SubStore of clothing, house wares, art objects etc.

In Bulldada, you'll find a new Best of SubGenius Albums collection (Hour of Slack 984 actually), a DVD collection of best shorts by SubGenii from the last two or three years ("10 Minutes 'Til Showtime), new bumper stickers, an all-LeMur album… and, in the Whizbangs section, 7 Bladed Windbreakers are back!


Our CafePress SubSTORE has a dozen new designs on men's and women's clothes, badges, carafes, throw pillows, framed art prints, you name it! There's so much new that the best idea would be to start at the newest new page, which is the deepest in, and then work your way backwards through the various tangential product lines.

We brought ONE EACH of all the new products to 8X-Day -- some are displayed among the very first photos in our 8X pics -- and they were mostly gone within minutes of the Swag Shack opening. Maybe we should have brought more than one each.


The great SubGenius preacher vanished -- went undercover for TWO YEARS, and at the end of that time revealed that he had not only successfully infiltrated the Jack T. Chick organization, but had produced a huge, DEFINITIVE book about the famous TRACT EMPIRE. Chick Comics are those little bitty free religious comic books that have provided so much joy to smirking hipsters and disbelievers. Wouldn't it figure that only a SubGenius Master would be able to pull off such an impressive guide to that whole world of Inadvertent Bulldada?

EVERY CHICK COMIC is REVIEWED in HILARIOUS DETAIL by Papa Joe. Chick's TRUE STORY is told. Every SHRED of trivia is covered, and all of the 226 pages are SLATHERED in illustrations, a lot of it in color. This book is an INCREDIBLE VALUE and a sure fire major-league collector's item -- GET 'EM WHILE YOU CAN!

The Art of Jack T. Chick

New QUIJIBO out - Greatest SubGenius Magazine

29th issue of this PHYSICAL, PRINTED-ON-PAPER ZINE was unveiled at 8X-Day. Includes: The Search for the Perfect Connie, Russians ranting about "Bob," teX-Day report, an alternate Dobbstown history by Rev. Chris Lee, hueyspewy, Dick Dobbs, Spamalot report, zombie movie reviews, hot pics.

ANY 2 ISSUES only $5!! Plus $1 for postage in U.S.: QUIJIBO CARTEL, 18 W. Main St. Suite X, Greenfield, IN 46140


Starwood: July 19 - 24 Sherman, Brushwood, Sherman, NY. Rev. Ivan Stang's sermon and video show will be on Saturday afternoon, following St. Paul Krassner's rant.

Held a couple of weeks after X-Day (on years that the world doesn't end), and at the same place, Starwood is the biggest neopagan conclave in the U.S. Here, SubGenii meet and mate with weirdoes of other faiths, see important countercultural speakers, enjoy intensely hedonistic nighttime activity (or "spiritual" activity -- WHATEVER!). The bands are usually excellent and the Saturday night bonfire is, truthfully, an East Coast alternative to Burning Man's Saturday nights.

Psytopia: JAMAICA, August 17-23, 2005

Check out this Psychedelic Convention in Jamaica! This has the potential for being the most EXOTIC devival situation yet. The host told us that the suggestion to have a devival at Psytopia came from none other than SAINT GEORGE CLINTON! -- who will also be involved in this event, along with artist Alex Grey, wise guy Ram Dass and other Illuminutilated Ones.


THANKS! -- to all the SubGenii who made 8X-Day the Ultimate Slack-Out that it was, as well as those who didn't, but made something ELSE an Ultimate Slack-Out. Many of you got Bobbie Awards -- paper certificates and ACTUAL 8-BALL-on-Pedestal AWARDS -- but were not at Brushwood to have them handed to you. Wei/I are gradually completing all the rest (they are calligraphically lettered) and mailing them to the Beloved Servants of "Bob" who earned them by sacrificing Conspiracy jobs, False Slack and entertainment for SubGenius-style TRUESLACK.


Your Dear Friend and Prayer Partner,

Sacred Scribe #273, Rev. Ivan Stang

Monday, July 11, 2005

ALL of Princess Wei's photos of 8X-Day on a.b.s.

Alt.binaries.slack now holds all the GOOD photos -- 192 of them -- that Princess Wei "R." Doe shot at 8X-Day. I will be putting all of the INTERESTING ones on SubSITE permanently -- but fewer than half of the ones I've posted to a.b.s.will be on SubSITE. So, get 'em while they're hot. A few actually are kind of hot. Others are just plain gross.

I'm waiting for reports and photos to roll in from a few more contributors before I put up an 8X-Day report on SubSITE.

We now have filled ALL orders that came in since we left for 8X-Day on June 26... although the ones going overseas were mailed only today.

Current job is to get a couple of new Hours of Slack slung together using some of the massive amount of material recorded at 8X-Day. Dr. Howll, Dr. Drummond and I did something like three hours of live radio from the stage, all told. And then there're all the other ranters and the bands. Lordy. Good thing EDITING IS SLACK for me, among other things.

A few days after we got home, I realized that the Hour of Slack in OGG VORBIS format has been undownloadable since July 6 or so. That's being fixed now. The MP3s are still there.

Next big SubVents: STARWOOD in a week and, in August, in Jamaica, PSYTOPIA! I am trying to ready special videos for both of those. Supposedly there's a Columbus, Ohio devival in October too, but we don't know the details yet.

Sunday, July 10, 2005


Ceremonially doled out by Rev. Ivan Stang and Princess Wei "R." Doe at Brushwood Main Stage, Brushwood Folklore Center, July 3, 2005, 8X-Day Drill

Lifetime Achievement Award: Dr. Philo U. Drummond, OverMan 1st Degree

Best Speechifying: Dr. Howl

Most Realistic Human Cartoon: Lonesome Cowboy Dave

Best Escape Vessel: Brushwood

Most Conspicuous Absence: Jesus

IRC Maintenance: Rev. Weinholt and Rev. Ankara

Alt.Slack Writer Who Cracked Stang Up the Most: AssCo

Most Initiative: Rev. Hostage

Best Creator God and Sex God: Modemac

Least Recognized: Bachelors for "Bob"

Most Valued Craziest: The Gription Clench, Pammy and Random

Most Insistent Enabler: Dok Frop

Sexiest: Kali

Time and Rhythm Control: Rev. Nickie Deathchick

SubSITE Chassis Detailing: Rev. Fenian and Rev. Paco

Dripping CandelaBra of Connie Award: Overmistress Salacia

Hospitality/Best Sustainers of Life: Rev. Chris Mok & Rev. Ellis Dee

Best Diction: Rev. Alex Thompson

Best Dressed Preacher: Rev. Carter LeBlanc

Best New Pope: Pope Perro (Rev. Kay Wittke, Pope Keeper)

Rogue SubGenius Award: Pope Jimbo of Brighton

Coolest: Rev. Chris Lee

Sacred Garter of the Sodality of the White Glove of Connie: Heart Ignition

Most Exploited for Commercial Purposes: Espira

Best Recent Eruction of Dobbsheadism: Mister Fernandinande LeMur

Best Taste in Tastelessness: DJ Shaver

Best Invokers of Titanic Unseen Forces: The Amino Acids

Best Pope Black Imitation: Rev. ErRoR

Best Pronunciation of The Name of "Bob": Pope Mickey Finn

Planetary Science Research Grant Award: Uncle Dr. Onan Canobite

Nicest Mean Person: Pope Phil Monty

Best Blog/ SubGenius News Service: Rev. Nu-Monet V. 8

Most Balls: Governor Rocknar

Most True-to-Life Goddess In or Out of Costume: Rev. Susie the Floozy

Chaos Coordinator and Special Nepotism Award: Rev. Nickie Deathchick

Bulldada Preservationist Society -- Epopt 2nd Degree Special Award: Dr. Dark

Best Award Award: Her Highness Hellno

Least Killfiled: Rev. Joe Cosby

Unmasker of False Prophets: Nenslo

Sexiest Den Mother: Rev. Magdalen

The Unremembered Award Category Award: The Oyeh Guy ("Masturbating Shawn")

LongDurPerSav, HOUR OF SLACK: Mister Fernandinande LeMur

Best Non-Old Radio Doktor: Dr. Sinister, Radio Synaesthesia

Everything: Pater Nostril

Worst Role Model: Banjo Bob

Best Role Model: Dok Frop

Sharer of Most Wanted Knowledge Erasers: Rev. Joseph, Daddy of Jesus

Keeper of Sifu: Rev. Diana

Most Brain-Scrambling String-Bending: Rev. Angry Larry

Best Stage Presence: Rev. Ed Strange's Pulpit

Inspirational Good Humor Amidst Slacklessness: iDRMRSR

Best GuitCollage: Rev. Norel Pref

Most Patient Wife: Rev. Sinphaltimus Exmortis

Best Children's Books: (TIE) IMBJR / Rev. Artemia Salina

Participation Award: the late Rev. Eris Pagana

Friday, July 08, 2005

Good Online Article about Starwood


Well written front page article about Starwood in the Cleveland weekly,
Free Times, with uncredited photos by Rev. Steve Chekey and Pater
Nostril. "Meredith," who closes the story, is Princess Wei. Yes, it's
true, the most sacred Can of All Starwood Bonfire Ashes is in the same
glass display case as The "Bob" Museum. I am quoted some, although the
writer spells SubGenius the way humans do, with a lower case g.

Several of the SubGenii who were at 8X-Day are planning to attend
Starwood this year. I'll be delivering my sermon and some background
video projections on Saturday afternoon on the main stage at 5 pm,
following Paul Krassner or RU Sirius or whichever other hop-head has
the 3 pm slot. As long as I'm not up against the Nude Body Painting
Workshop this time.

Writhing in Slack After 8X-Day

It's the SubGenius New Year. Everything is renewed, refreshed, rebuilt, reconstructed.

Every X-Day Drill, when the world doesn't end, a new version of Nu-Monet comes out -- as does a new version of every SubGenius, although most of them aren't labeled as such, like Nu-Monet is.

Every X-Day, because we move half of our Throne Office to the stage at Brushwood, we CLEAN the Throne Office for the first time since the world last failed to end. I'm strangely HEALTHIER after an X-Day Drill, having involuntarily pumped up from days of swaggarting, packing, moving, unpacking, socializing, walking all over the campground, ranting, spazzing, etc. My very soul-gland is exercised and trod upon until it's leathery and buff, and my memory is cleansed by the finest 'Frop, scoured of impure remembrances and pretty much everything else. It's like getting one's overgrown brain-yard mowed.

I just finished putting my freshly dust-covered electronics back together, on freshly dusted tables and desks, after dusting it all, and why, it's almost like a brand new pristine Escape Office, especially with the recent donation of a near-MWOWM-level Earth computer by the Gription Clench.

I feel GREAT! This was certainly the most Slackful Drill ever for me personally. I never freaked out! I barked at Dr. Drummond once when he tried to fix the unbroken parts of my temporarily broken sound system, but I do that almost habitually if I see him messing with my equipment, ever since THAT ONE TIME, which I will NEVER let him forget.

7X-Day, last year, was NOT pleasant for me. That year, I had resolved to get the kind of Slack everybody is always telling me I should get, and I was CONSTANTLY DISAPPOINTED, because, DURING X-DAY, THAT IS NOT SLACK FOR ME. At X-Days, Slack for me IS running around trying to meet every single person at once while filming anything even remotely interesting and hunting down blown fuses with Pater Nostril and listening faux-patiently to insane or young people telling me insane or young things while I'm wondering just where I put that adapter that I'm going to need in a few minutes after I find an extension cord for this video projector. When I just GIVE IN to the Emergentile Force, and let IT run ME, then I not only get everything done (or close enough for the girls we go out with) but I also get a massive dose of Slack Awareness.

So, I managed to exploit my Emergentile Slack to the MAX, and then every night when it was too late to have giant noise, and the stage show was over, Princess Wei and I did our fair share of hedonistic partying. Heck, we even DRANK! Yes, on Sunday night we drank a beer each and a hit of rum or something! On Monday night we drank a cup of wine and some kind of weird liqueur! By Tuesday night, we were slamming down Lord Ferg's Fighting Cock whiskey right out of the jug and chasing it with Cokes! Hell, we figured, the world's ending, or something; it's 8X-Day anyway, so WHY NOT LIVE DANGEROUSLY!

I probably drank almost as much at 8X-Day as a human drinks in a... a DAY!

Every night at about 3 in the morning, we went to the Secret Elite Second Hot Tub and there we found yet more ways to get in touch with and amplify our INBORN SLACK.

We never went to bed on X-Day-eve; we kept ourselves awake, USING PURE SLACK! We were the first ones at the pavilion, around 6:30 a.m., and we were shaved, shined, shampooed and ready to leave our Earthly shells looking their best when we vacated them. There was a record crowd of Those Who Don't Wuss Out at the spirited 7-A.M. countdown, with none of the corny "Stang, into the pond" crap, because I threatened to kick the ass of anybody who pulled that trite bullshit.

Now that I think about it, I'm not actually real sure what DID happen at 7 a.m. But I know I had working batteries in the video camera this time, so somewhere there must be a record of what "Bob" did to us. If anything. (BUT WHY CAN I NEVER REMEMBER THAT PART?!?!?)

Evidently NASA's attempt to start an intergalactic war between the Xists and Yacatisma by firing bombs at a Yist scout ship on July 4th WORKED, because neither of the great space races appear to be paying any more attention to "Earth" than normal.

We had so unexpectedly much Slack at the 8X-Day Drill that we stayed at Brushwood an extra night. We returned Dr. Howll to California yesterday via the Cleveland airport, and the Frop-Decadences back to Ft. Worth this afternoon.

There are two CASH BOXES behind me. One came from Rev. Nickie Deathchick's Swag Shop and one came from Rev. Magdalen's Registration Desk. I have not opened them.

I must assemble an Hour of Slack BUT FAST! HOOO-hah! We have the usual godzumptillion digital photos, soundboard recordings of the bands and jams and the hours of "radio" that Dr. Howl and Philo and I did, and something like 9 hours of DV video plus another 5 or 6 hours that Rocknar shot and handed to me.

I will strive to get the Bobbie Award list and the photos posted within a reasonable time. I intend to attempt to edit the 8X-Day footage SOON this time. If nothing else I can probably get a 2-minute VCD mpeg of the teabagging online soon. I LOVE doing this shit, but I have run out of hard drive space until I either get this new supercomputer up and running, or edit the Winterstar DVD and get the master off my drives, and also there were quite a few swag orders that stacked up since June 26, yet the leftover swag is all strewn across the reception room three stories below, so it might be bzzz bzzz bzzz PRABOB PRABOB PRABOB bzzz bzzzz click

To Be Continued

Monday, June 27, 2005


Ah, the last few fleeting days before X-Day… every year… such a frenzy. Possibly it's a little like this for Santa's Elves, or the Post Office, around Xmas.

For those heading to Brushwood for 8X-Day, any important updates will be on the X-Day yahoo list and/or my SubGenius newsblog. Amazing how many things one finds one has to do even though the world is about to end.

Apparently some people have been under the impression that there is no cab service to Brushwood. THERE IS! It's only a few minutes from Sherman, NY, and cab companies in nearby Jamestown NY or Erie PA service the area.

As usual, we offer our annual last-minutes-on-Earth GIVE-AWAY on SubSITE and other Internet SubGenius outreaches.


Thanks to a sudden equipment donation by The Gription Clench (those starkly ever-nontightening fisters), we have remastered two old videos (about X-Day 1998 at Brushwood, a really weird extravaganza) and the new 7X-Day-of-Slack video onto one DVD, which we will first start selling at 8X-Day. But in the meantime, you can get a FREE INTERNET BOOTLEG COPY from alt.binaries.multimedia.slack.

A HUGE ARRAY OF NEW SUBGENIUS DESIGNS has been added to our CafePress SubSTORE. The largest variety of new objects d'Slack in the catalog is in the 8X-Day section:
And in T-shirts:
… but there are also plenty of new things among the bumper stickers, housewares, art tiles, etc. There are even now Dobbshead THROW PILLOWS:

CONGRATULATIONS TO US! On June 19, we produced the 1000th Hour of Slack. One thousand shows since we started in October, 1985! #1000 was a Special Salute featuring tapes and letters sent in by listeners and contributors for the occasion -- and two-way Thanx Fest. This new show, our final Earth show #1001 (Sex Secrets of The Conspiracy), and a seventh XXX-Rated "Internet Only" show are all now freely downloadable from our Hour of Slack page:

THE STARK FIST ONLINE has had yet another archived month from alt.slack added, March, by guest ediotors Revs. Fenian and Paco:

What else? Did I already mention the new Hour of Slack CD (#984, a "best-of), the new DVD, TEN MINUTES TO SHOWTIME, The OGGs of LeMur, the Winterstar and Detroit devivals, or Hour of Slack MP3s Volume 20? Yes? Well, I'll say it again: they're all at

At this writing, it's 5:30 pm on Monday, June 27. In about two hours, the MegaFisTemple Lodge here will start filling up with INSANE PEOPLE. I am going to make a stalwart attempt to fill the last minute orders that come in for Salvation up to the last minute, but if we don't get your order pretty soon, we'll have to hand you your stuff personally when me meet on the Escape Vessels of the Xists… any day now.

This may be my last chance to communicate to you as Sacred Scribe before the crazy people start arriving here, or certainly before we are all Ruptured up in glory to meet "Bob" on the spaceships at 7 am this July 5. I'm sure we all feel a bit like the dolphins at the very beginning of Hitchhiker's Guide. We'd like to thank the Unsaved who helped spread Slack, and we're sorry they're all about to die so very horribly. But they wouldn't understand…

I am sure that everyone reading this is already a $30 dues-paying Minister in the Church, with absolutely nothing to worry about as the ultimate and total end of all so-called human reality approaches. To you I say, LET THERE BE SLACK! Go easy on the humans as you Vacate this mortal Evacuation Chamber; they weren't ALL the bad kind. If you must mete out vengeance, be specific. Don't go at it all willy-nilly, or the innocent will suffer EXTRA. Poor things. Oh well. They all could have sent in their $30. On second thought, I take it back. Too much is always better than not enough. LET 'EM HAVE IT.

Your Good Friend and Prayer Partner,

Rev. Ivan Stang

Friday, June 10, 2005


Empowering designs by Espira, LeMur, Heart Ignition, IMBJR and StangDoe depict what awaits the nonbeliever and the molester. Not very ladylike, but close enough for the girls we go out with. Will be worth millions if world doesn't end. Be careful which family gatherings you wear this one to. Backside image is sure to spark fights while in line at the store.

8X-DAY clothing, keepsakes, hats, badges, buttons, bumper stickers, pendants, nose pickers

T-SHIRTS: 16 offensive new designs by LeMur, Heart Ignition, IMBJR, Espira, "OTHERS"

New: THROW PILLOWS! (Seriously.) And mouse pads, journals, and misc. doodads

POSTERS and FRAMED PRINTS: by popular request, "e-paintings" by Heart Ignition are now available. Did you know that the classic "45 Dobbsheads" has been followed by "45 more" and "45 Dobbsheads 3"? Plus another couple dozen? Those and more are STREWN catalog-wide.

CERAMIC ART TILES: Eternal Testaments. This has some of the most penetrating visual work of the Church, CONDENSED.

GREETING CARDS: Sometimes sensitive issues such as a death, or the loss of a job or partner, are most conveniently settled by just sending a pre-processed modular card, avoiding all that difficult personal interaction. THESE ARE THE CARDS YOU WERE LOOKING FOR.

COFFEE MUGS: These are for DRINKERS. Drinkers of all kinds -- of soporifics, stimulants, psychedelics, whatever -- as long as it's HARD STUFF.

FROPTAINERS and STASHBOXES: The less said the better, nudge wink nudge EEAAAAUAULLLPP!

: Now disguised as public service messages like you see on the tram.

POSTCARDS: Easily pretend you're sending from a foreign mindset.

BUMPER STICKERS: One really good new one to go with the two dozen really good old ones.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

New on SubSITE: 8X-Day details, Comic Book, Stark Fist

For those going to 8X-Day at Brushwood, Valencia, or Cambodia, and for voyeurs, we have a section of RECENT ANNOUNCEMENTS and SPECULATIONS FROM THE FLOCK inside the more general 8X-Day quarter. Much was added just today, including illustrations on every page.

Governor of SportsLand Rocknar, and First Sponsor of Dr. Howl's appearance at 8X-Day, has mangled a beloved old favorite comic book into an all-new saga of a descent into Hell by the famous SubGenius, Pastor Craig. (Pastor Craig is actually a SubGenius Saint of long standing.) See THIS WAS YOUR LIFE, PASTOR CRAIG.

And, thanks to new ediotors, Rev. Fenian and Rev. Paco, THE STARK FIST ONLINE has an updated FEBRUARY 2005 ALT.SLACK DIGEST encompassing the bizarre thoughts and discoveries of the alt.slack denizens during that strange month.

The "DR. HOWL TO 8X-DAY" FUND is getting CLOSE -- we're only $150 from our goal, which is a $412 plane ticket, SF to CLE. (Turns out I spoke a "wei" bit too soon... Wei and I already gave more at the office than we thought. Or would really want to think ABOUT.)

Plane fare for Dr. Howl Almost Possible!

So far we've raised $225 for Hal's plane ticket... close enough that I priced them today. It's $412 with tax, lowest I found on Priceline. Wei and I can put in $50 each so we only need another $75!!

SEVENTY FIVE BUCKS will bring Dr. Howl to 8X-Day!


Or $25 from THREE!

Paypal button on X-Day page

OR email me with half your credit card # and then another email with the other half and the expiration date!

With Philo AND Hal there, we won't need ANY PREACHERS OR BANDS! (We'll have them anyway.)

Speaking of bands, the only "name bands" or even bands that HAVE names that I know are coming are The Amino Acids and Lonesome Cowboy Dave's Mondo Retardo Band. That means major jam-space and DJ-ing time for ambitious or compulsive arteests and Doktors. So bring your noisemakers.

Last year we didn't EXPECT Little Fyodor, but he and Babushka showed up and turned in a set that blew everybody away (and became a live album!).

Another way to help make 8X-Day a big success is to BUY TONS OF SACRED MEDIA DIRECTLY FROM THE SUBGENIUS FOUNDATION:

There's quite a bit that's brand spanking new.

PRAISE BE to the DONATORS of the HOWL-TICKET: Gov. Rocknar, Sister Decadence, Phineas Narco, Rev. Weinholt, Rev. Delirus!

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

8X-Day and Other Stuff


X-Day is bearing down swiftly! Although the impending End of the World would theoretically be cause to blow everything off, for The SubGenius Foundation it's ironically the busiest time of the year. Hopefully this will be the last year, period. I spent last week doing the Church Taxes (!!), followed by the X-Day mailing, and those are both yearly chores that I wouldn't mind transcending. We have some pretty stiff bills that I would especially like to transmigrate out of having to pay.

My favorite SubGenius news forum, alt.slack, has been abuzz with excitement and ahorn with lust about 8X-Day at Brushwood, and I've compiled and edited the meat of it in an 8X-DAY DETAILS, NEWS, SPECULATIONS section.

Rev. Nickie Deathchick's Costume Ball theme this year is DIETIES. BECOME ONE. BUILD one.

Last year, we raised the $cratch for plane fare to bring in the fantastic performer and scholar Dr. Howl, but this year we're still $200 short of that goal. "BOB" has already matched your donation! Governor Rocknar has led the crusade. You can donate via Paypal via a button on the 8X-Day page, mailing a check or "buying" something from BULLDADA and then emailing me to say it's really for Dr. Howl. HURRY!


If you're into downloading free movies, alt.binaries.multimedia.slack has been freshly filled up with X-Day related short videos, including most recently the excellent "5X-Day Featurette" in MP4 and a DivX video of the intense 10-minute "music video" cut of 6X-Day. There have been several songs, then music videos or "Dobbsedeliasteses", about X-Day, and those have all been duly deposited. These aren't crappy little blurry computer mpegs but QUALITY BOOTLEGS that play from a CDR on many DVD players. And don't just download them -- UPLOAD THEM to OTHER movie newsgroups! If there is ONE MORE UNSAVED SUBGENIUS SOUL remaining out there who MIGHT make it aboard the Saucers if we make that outreach effort, then we must make that effort!

There's a huge PODCAST and stash of excellent stereo MP3s of recent Hour of Slack Radio shows at Radio4All.

Some of this is costing us a mint and we need MONEY -- not just for ourselves, but for KOOL-AID at 8X-Day, among other things. You don't want the Church handyman, Old Muleskinner, and his kids, to go hungry. We already had to sell Ol' Bessie and Ol' Bossie. So please, see if there isn't something YOU DESPERATELY NEED in the catalog -- THERE IS!! Or will be. By tomorrow I hope to have TWO new DVDs, one new CD and THREE new CDRs on the NEW CRAP page.


We did a mailing last week to ALL U.S. SUBGENIUS MINISTERS on our mailing list -- an 8X-Day postcard. I went over the Minister list myself in minute detail, cross-referencing it with The Akashic Records, The Book of Life, and the lists the C.I.A. trades with us -- and it looks to me like MANY OF YOU NEVER SENT IN THAT LITTLE ADDRESS AND NAME VERIFICATION POSTCARD that came with your Membership Pack! SLACKERS!

DON'T WORRY -- YOU'LL STILL BE RUPTURED UP TO THE SAUCERS ON X-DAY. You have that $30 Minister's Card/Saucer Ticket, and your Pstench is in The Book of Life. But you might not get mailings from The SubGenius Foundation.

If you bought that pack from Bulldada Time Control since last September, when total and utter control over the business fell back into Stangian Orthodox hands, you don't have anything to worry about. My personal Throne Office staff is very well disciplined by the NunSnakes. But if you bought it from the CafePress store, or the late Austin SubGenius office before The Conspiracy shut it down, and didn't mail in that card, then you probably aren't on our mailing list. If you got an X-Day postcard this week, then obviously you don't have to worry about it. If you didn't, but you bought a Membership, you should mail or fax to my office that verification postcard (or a photocopy of it, if you want to keep the purty Legume color art that's on it). That's 888-669-2323 or 216-320-9528 for the fax, or Box 181417, Cleveland Hts, OH 44118.

I do my bitching and moaning on alt.slack about the hard practicalities of being the Head Clerk of "Bob's" earthly outreach... a LOT of bitching and moaning. One of these days I'll collect those together so the newsgroup-blind can endure them if they wish to. Some of the... individuals, and the... situations... that I find myself dealing with are pretty... "funny." But I want to use this blog mainly for the really important stuff, like what YOU NEED TO BUY.

I try to save my serious RANTING for devivals, public preaching engagements, Hour of Slack and the occasional written outburst on alt.slack, which eventually sifts down into the Online Stark Fist anyway. Hmm, maybe I should change that front page to reflect the fact that this is the year 2005.

We have several very small projects and one very very LARGE project that we'd like to concentrate on, once we're aboard the Escape Vessels, or once we otherwise get this mundane earthly crap out of the way.

No end to the little tasks of a Scribe, I tell you. But I want you, dear friend, to know that I am a true SUBGENIUS of a Sacred Scribe. That means that, while I LIKE to bust ass on SubGenius projects, and especially with the Escape Vessels on their way, I am also empowered to TOTALLY BLOW THEM ALL OFF.

And so on that Slackful note, I shall take my leave.

Thank you for SHOPPING SUBGENIUS and helping us fight the Wor. See you on the Saucers!

Friday, May 20, 2005

The SubGenius Mailing List

Before all this other stuff, I want to mention that Hours of Slack 994 and 995 are now online.

(Started May 19, 10 am)

I'm entering new Members to the database, and moving Lost Members to the Lost Members file.

For teX-Day, I sent postcards to everyone in Texas and Louisiana. Out of 400 cards mailed, 40 came back stamped "Attempted Not Known" or "Not Deliverable as Addressed, Unable to Forward".

One came back inside an envelope, with this handwritten on it: "Carrie Dillon DOES NOT live here. I am a God-fearing Christian. Save your postage. (Get my address off this disgusting mail list)"

Joe Lansdale moved... Lewis Shiner moved ...Farley Scott aka "Rev. Bob" ... Rev. BARWELL, Rev. Cosmo Euthanasius moved... Need CODINI's new address in VA

Some post offices, when they slap on the sticker that says "Undeliverable," place it directly OVER the address so that when it bounces back to the sender, there's no way to tell WHICH address it was that was bad, without carefully peeling back the sticker, IF THAT IS EVEN POSSIBLE.

Chuck "Sexecutioner" Varga... Sister "Lords of the Highway" Sugar... David Apocolypse... current locations ALL UNKNOWN.

DEAD, DEAD, DEAD -- but still on the mailing list until now: Ken Kesey - Tim Leary - The Heavenly Morphodite - NIGHTFLIGHT - Kerry Thornley - POLYGRAM - PHENOMICON - Eris Pagana - Sverre Kristensen - MTV On-Air-Promotions - - Mike Saenz & Reactor - John Fudge - Russ Meyer - J'lahn's brain - yes, all of those were STILL on the list and had to be removed by me in the year 2005. Downright funereal. What I was told about the bad addresses being removed by virtue of nifty computerized mailing services apparently wasn't entirely accurate.

I LOOKED AT EVERY SINGLE MEMBER ADDRESS... YES, I, STANG SKIMMED THROUGH ALL OF THEM, SCANNING FOR PROBLEMS. When I finished removing duplicates, dead guys, drop-outs and shunned assholes, I still had 4,041. From the teXDay Formula we can guess that 1 in 10, or 400, of those are bad.

But I haven't yet added the new ones that came in since around October '04, when the list became my responsibility again.

First I had to merge my own private mailing list into the Official Church Mailing list, maintained by the previous administration. My list, "Doktors 1," covers everyone I know personally, and gets updated constantly. When adding mine to the master list, I had to be careful to remove duplicates, such as when somebody was on BOTH lists.

But there WERE ALMOST NO DUPLICATES -- almost everyone on my personal list had been DROPPED from the master list, or else they were listed under old addresses.

Years ago, when we were striving to clean up the list, and dump bad addresses, we mailed out a Stark Fist that had a POSTCARD in it that you had to fill out and send back to us, so as to VERIFY your existence. Unfortunately, many of the recipients, especially my pals, didn't mess with the card, assuming "Stang knows I'm still here," only it wasn't Stang who was asking, and it wasn't my list we were trying to update. So a lot of my friends were not on the master list (until now). Princess Wei for instance.

Then there's the issue of the little postcard that comes with your Membership kit. Jesus invented that thing so we could keep track of Members, even if the membership was sold by someone else, Café Press for instance, or if it was a Gift or Prank Membership. Jesus therefore didn't add addresses to the Book of Life when the $30 was sent in; He added them when that POSTCARD was sent in.

BUT!! Only about one in ten SubGenii actually mail in that card after they get their Memb Pack. I realized this as I was doing the Texas mailing recently. I saw that even though I had sold probably 30 Memberships to Texans during the last 6 months, there were only THREE POSTCARDS filled out by Texans from the same period. This would explain why, even though we sell a Membership a day, roughly, we didn't end up with 365 new Members per year on our list.

Yes, the artwork on that card (by Legume) is pretty, and the card is shiny. BUT YOU MUST SEND IN THAT CARD. Or, you can PHOTOCOPY the card, and mail or fax that in.

If you don't send in the card, or that info, THAT'S OKAY. It saves me TONS of work. It means I have only about 50 entries to type before the 8X-Mailing instead of 500. It means we got your $30, but we don't ever have to send you anything again after that first big package.

Actually in truth I intend to go through the sales records and go ahead and list everyone who sent their $30, WHETHER OR NOT they sent their postcard in. But I might not get around to it for this mailing. That will be a massive back-burner chore for a volunteer or poorly paid robot to do at some point in the unhurried future, or gradually.

So look at your old tattered Membership Pack, see if there's a nice full color postcard in there that you MEANT to get around to sending in, and SEND IT IN.

And if it has a Dallas or Austin address on it, CHANGE THAT to
PO Box 181417
Cleveland Heights, OH 44118

DID YOU MOVE since becoming a Minister? SEND US YOUR NEW ADDRESS (and also the name you signed up under). The PO won't forward stuff after about 6 months -- IF they bother to forward things at all. Sure, when you moved, you sent your change of address thingie to PC WORLD, and BARELY LEGAL, and LEG SHOW, but did you send it to your CHURCH??

PLEASE WRITE LEGIBLY! If we have to guess your last name from a drugged-out scrawl, chances are I'll guess wrong and the robots will dump you from the list later. People tend to print their names the way they say their phone numbers - as if I've already heard it as many times as they've said it. Here's a good example: what I read on the guy's card was "David Athehcar, 3005 161 St. ." I double-checked, by doing a search for "David A" in my orders file, and found him - but Athecar wasn't anything like his last name, and "3005 161 st" was nothing like the actual address. It was 300 S. 16th Street.

I am not going to be double-checking every time I come to an illegible scrawl. I (or Old Bessie's replacement) will be guessing. Don't make us guess!

WHETHER WE HAVE YOUR CURRENT ADDRESS OR NOT, YOU ARE STILL SAVED and will be RUPTURED UP onto the Escape Veseels of the Sex Goddesses on X-Day. That all works by magic (alien science actually); the SECOND you sent that $30 to "Bob," that was when you made the XIST list.

It's just we mortal mail order clerks who must be TOLD when you move, so we can mail you your devival alerts, and maybe even a Stark Fist Newsletter on paper, as soon as I finish paying off the debts incurred in previous Stark Fist and Dallas SubGenius Office situations.

If you told us your change of address during the years from 1996 to 2005, you might want to tell us again, just to be safe.

Believe it or not, I, Stang, feel some personal responsibility to anyone who sends us $30. Not much, but enough that I'm handling this mailing list mess myself rather than entrusting it to anybody else again. Live and learn. And then DIE, if you HAVEN'T EVEN YET sent in your $30.

IF you are coming to 8X-Day at Brushwood, and you bought your Membership before 2005, and you didn't send in that verification postcard - BRING YOUR MEMBERSHIP CARD or that VERIFICATION POSTCARD or something so we can know you're a dues-paying minister. You should carry your memb-card on your person AT ALL TIMES, ANYWAY, in case of Rupsture. If you bought a membership during the Jesus-Magdalen time, 1996 to late 2004, especially if from CafePress, and didn't send in your card, THE ONLY PROOF that you are a Member is the physical card in your hand.

If, however, if you bought your Membership from Bulldada Time Control Labs, you are covered umpteen ways of Sunday in several backed-up databases as well on paper. Your Memb Pack was probably addressed by me by hand, and your address is in my email-records, EVEN IF you didn't send in the card.

(4 pm)


I just got a wild hare and I JUST THIS AFTERNOON ENTERED ALL NEW MINISTERS to the database, WHETHER OR NOT they sent in that postcard. Everyone who bought a Membership from Bulldada Time Control is SAFE. It only took me a couple of hours because I was in THE TYPING ZONE.

Yes, I just typed in a few hundred addresses. 1st NAME - tab-2nd Name -tab - church name- tab - street address - tab - city - tab-state abbrev (I know them all by heart) tab -zip - NEXT RECORD!! COME OWN, m'f'k'r! BRING THEM OWN!!

Although I'd rather be editing video, I get a weird kick from doing this clerk work, address-typing, because for each name and address, I get a clairvoyant whiffreading fly-by, not so much from the individual, but of the street itself, the general feel and smell of the neighborhood. I'm sure it's completely imaginary, but by Gobbs it certainly makes things more interesting. Most are just plain suburban houses or apartments, but every now and then you get one that imparts a sense of special weirdness, creativity or doom. "Crescent Way in Johnsville, CA" -- nothing much there. (Although the member's name is "HITTLER"!) Plain street like where I grew up. Nice guy who doesn't live up to his name. But PO Box 999878 in Oceanside, CA? For some reason that connects to a house filled with SPIDERS, and a really FUCKED UP meth-head! Don't ask me, I just get these visions, I can't vouch for their accuracy.

Rev. Phloighd had volunteered to do all this typing, but since I was already in robotic manual-typing address-entry mode, I just STAYED IN IT and whipped through the whole damn thing myself. Not that I don't trust Phloighd, I just NO LONGER TRUST ANYBODY! - you wouldn't either, if you KNEW! If your $30 went to CafePress, or SubGenius bfore I took back over, YOU STILL BETTER SEND IN THAT POSTCARD and any change of address that might have happened in your life since then.


Other details learned:

Strangely enough, the final tally of known good addresses for Memberships in the U.S. is now EXACTLY 4200.

But there are still some from April to add in.

(6 pm)

I went nuts and added in ALL of the US Members. Now I am working on the FOREIGN.

This is another area where you gave to be careful re: what volunteers do. Foreign addresses are FUCKING WEIRD unless you've dealt with them some.


"Dunstan's Rise"
"Calle de Guadenci"





These numbers do not include any Ministers who might have signed up via the CafePress catalog but did not send in any verification postcard.